nick I can relate, my first panic attack happened after I finished smoking a joint, and that was 12 years ago, and since then I have never touched it, I was so terrified of pot, that when I used to see people smoking it in front of me I would run away to avoid the smell, because the smell might trigger another panic attack. but now when I think of the whole situation I smile, it doesnt bother me anymore, but I'm still not smoking this stuff. as for the chocking feeling in your throat, yep I have that too, at one point I thought I have mouth cancer. but it turned out to be a symptom due to the negative anticipation in my mind which ultimately leads to an attack. nowadays things are much much better.

Nick I too have this issue with sickness/death - not only for myself but my loved ones.....When I was in my 20s/30s, it was easier to move past this because I felt that sickness/death were in the future but now that I am 43, it seems closer for me and very close for my parents who I love dearly......I also smoked pot when I was a teenager but stopped after a few years.....Ive read articles that marijuana can actually trigger panic disorder and Im not sure if that was the case for me or you but I dont smoke/drink, etc any loinger - ie since I was in my early 20s...It sounds like you potentially may be helped with therapy, antidepressant and quitting marijuana but thats just a guess.....a clean healthy lifestyle is the best thing for people that suffer panic....and eventhough I run/workout/eat well, etc....I still have bad panic but Im convinced it would be 100x worse if I were partying, etc.....

Thanks for the replies, I have been feeling quite good since I wrote this message, I think there's something to be said for journaling (simply writing down my feelings, which I have never done before). Now remains the fear of feeling bad again. I am trying really hard not to get in the cycle that could be started by bad thoughts or unrelated physical symptoms. I cannot wait to feel strong again, strong enough not to fear. It feels like my brain has learned a new path from feeling good to feeling anxious. I wish to delete this path and reinforce the "normal" one. I am also working hard not to avoid depressive thoughts, sad things, stories of living things dying or people going mad as I understand that this takes the role of "places" and "situations" and that avoiding these may build other undesired path in my brain. I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again.

Nick, Thanks for sharing your story with us today. As you can see there is lots of support here and many individuals that can relate to your story. The "Panic Program" is very helpful, and many members have advised of it's success. It is great to hear that you have started our Panic Program. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to post them here in the support group or e-mail us at support@paniccenter.net. Nick, The Panic Center also has a sister site called the "The Depression Center". You can visit this site at www.depressioncenter.net. Here you will find our Depression Test. Again, this test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. Take the "Panic and Depression Tests". Bring the results to your doctor. This will help better assess your situation. This will also help with medication prescription and any counselling. It is wonderful that you have a supportive partner and that she is there to help. Try the different avenues mentioned and keep us updated. We are here to help and listen. You are a great writer, keep posting, Josie

Nick, I don€™t know that I call myself very philosophical but my situation mimics yours almost exactly. If you have been checked out for all physical conditions then it sounds like you are indeed experiencing anxiety with panic attacks. I too have believed for many years that life is somewhat meaningless, you know, the thoughts of €œwhat is this all about? Do I really go to work just to earn money to keep myself alive? This is all there is?€ I have never been sad about this particularly, but have always been kind of like, €œwell if I died today no big deal€. This has never been a sad thought for me. However, when I feel anxious I get very negative and these thoughts are obsessive. I am terrified that this may lead to my hurting myself because I am suffering and life is meaningless. Yet, when I am not experiencing anxiety I am fine, no €œbad€ thoughts or anything, life just goes on as before. Like you, when I feel good I wonder how I could ever have felt bad. Reversely, when I feel bad I wonder how I ever could have felt good. I also have the physical side effects that you talk about, difficulty eating, diarrhea, tightness in tummy or chest, my sleep is totally screwed up, no libido and even have trouble with affection. Research shows that the best way to treat panic/anxiety is a combination of cognitive-behaivoral therapy and medication. However, CBT can prove very effective on its own because it works on your thought patterns. I think the program here could be very helpful, give it a try. And definitely keep posting, the support of everyone here is a great relief. Ok, I could keep going for a while but gotta go see my dad for his b-day. Hope this helped. Rachele

Nick...Phylosophy- "pursuit of wisdom; study of realities and general principles; system of theories on the nature of things or in conduct; calmness of mind expected of a phylosopher"-Websters You must be a writer. I've been told I am too. I believe that many of us who end up with panic are highly sensitive people who need an outlet of artistic release of some sort. I have not found something worthy to write about, besides the Bible. I have written one short story that I was paid for which was not about the Bible, just about my neighbourhood, and some poetry that I wasn't paid for. The Bible is the oldest book in the world, it tells us why we are here, how we got here, and where mankind is going. Did you know that? Some sell the Bible short, because of the awful things that people who promoted the Bible did; however the Bible itself is the source of deep wisdom, general principles to live by, and why things are the way they are. The Bible itself tells us to be like the Boreans; an ancient people who searched the scriptures to see if what the apostles said was really true. It does not encourage blind faith, but study of truth and realities we experience in every day life. Have you given that a try? The wisdom of people is limited, I believe we need a higher source to look to than ourselves to solve our problems and give us the answers to the questions we all ask from time to time, such as How did we get here? Why are conditions the way they are now? Where are we going? What does our life amount to? It even explains where all the other phylosophies of life originated, and how to protect ourselves from the evil that exists. But there is one problem with it; that is; it gives us principles to live by and theories of life that many do not wish to apply to themselves. Regardless of how many sit up and take note of it's deep advice, it tells us that soon all the pain and sorrow and anxiety will soon be done away with by God. How do you like that phylosophy? Do you want to feel that your life has more meaning than to create seed? It does. It all depends what you want to do with it...

Greetings to all, I am trying to figure out what's going on with myself. When I first read the symptoms of Panic disorder I thought that was it, and it made feel better to know that I was not just "loosing my mind" and that my "condition" was very treatable. I have not yet seen a doctor about this but I am planning to, after the long weekend. I have started the 12 week program today because I just needed to do something about it. The information given in the first session seeded doubts in my mind as to whether it IS panic disorder or not. So here is my story: A word of warning: My story is long, philosophical and can likely be very depressing. Please do not go any further if you don't consider yourself strong morally/philosophically. I am a 27 year old male and I have been smoking marijuana for about 12 years now (it's not a substance abuse problem, just recreational/ philosophical use). I will mention right away that I am over all quit healthy and physically fit, I skateboard hard at least once a week (thought I'd mention that since this could be adrenaline related). So 4 years ago when I started feeling a slight pain in the left side of my neck/throat I thought it had to be related to my smoking. I have since consulted 3 different doctors, one of which looked down my throat with a wire camera (twice, at my request because it wasn't going away) without finding anything. I have since developed a phobia of life threatening diseases, somehow linked to the guilt for being a long time smoker (never smoked cigarettes though). After seeing the first 2 doctors and being told that it was probably a chronic pain, that there was nothing wrong with my throat or neck and that I should not worry about it, I ignored it for about 2 years. I stopped smoking for about 10 months back then, hoping it was an irritation that would go away and it kind of did get better. I started smoking again (because I truly enjoy it) and the discomfort/slight pain progressively came back but i kept ignoring it. The pain is still there today but it comes and goes and it never gets as bad as it was in the beginning. A month ago I had some chest tightness for a couple of days and so, thanks to my phobia, I got worried that