Thanks for the replies, it really really helps to know that other people understand. In a strange series of events, I ended up not making it out there. A friend was supposed to take care of my dog for me but she ended up not being able to due to work scheduling. My father also told me that he didn't feel that my work car was reliable for the trip right now because of a fuel injector problem. I ended up meeting a girl that I've been talking to though since I was stuck here and things went great. I thought this girl was so cool / funny online and we clicked in person like you wouldn't believe. Total chemistry. She just left here an hour ago - we had an amazing night (no, not EVERYTHING happened). While my family is going to be upset at me, I wouldn't change a thing at this point. It's really strange how things happen sometimes. If I hadn't have been stuck here I wouldn't have met her. I'm a good looking guy and everything but I have been single for the longest streak since I was 16 - 9 months. If things work out with this girl, I definitely see myself being much happier and much more able to face my anxiety challenges. I don't mean to sound dependant but in a lot of ways there's nothing more influential on my mood than a good relationship. I'm still trying to see if there's a way I can get out to see my family even for the last night here. If I can, I think I'm going to try. I'm in a great mood today which would hopefully keep back the anxiety. Thanks again for your replies here. I sincerely appreciate them and took your suggestions to heart. I know that I may not be able to succeed with everything when it comes to fighting anxiety but I'm really going to do my best to keep pushing myself to take even the small steps towards recovery. If I end up having a good girlfriend through this to, then even better. I'm really excited about the future right now. Thanks again.

Hi Ryan, I just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate to you. I take Zoloft daily & Xanax as needed but when I was 1st perscribed the meds I was terrified of taking them. I finally started Zoloft & it works great with me but like you, I was still afraid of Xanax. I carried it in my purse for several months until one day I had an attack that got so bad I took the Xanax, & since then I'm not afraid of it anymore. Like I said tho I only take it as needed (which is not very often) because I do still think about the possibility of dependancy. Also, like you said in your post, I use to be afraid "what if I need my Xanax & it doesn't work" but just to let you know anytime I've been panicking or on the verge & I took a Xanax it has calmed me down very quickly. (If panicking I put it under my tongue & let it melt...it works faster) Now as far as the trip.. I have been really pushing myself lately & have been really proud of myself for doing it. So my suggestion is that you try to go. I know it will be hard but if you go, just think what a huge step that will be. Trish is right tho, if you descide you can't go don't be too hard on yourself about it. Remember this...YOU CAN DO IT!! You have options.. 1..You can always turn around & go back home. 2..You can always take a Xanax to help you calm down. 3..You can always tough it out through an attack. I know that doesn't sound very appealing, but I always tell myself "an attack will only last a few minutes & it will not kill me or make me go crazy". Now I know that you are not going to want to use #3 but it is an option & it always makes me feel better to know that there are several options available to me. I hope you go & have a good time. Please let everyone know how things turn out. Chanda

Ryan, I agree with your doctor that for now, this is not a life sentence, to maintain a dosage to get thru exposure of situations you have avoided, until the panic subsides with it and then taper off. Yes coming off any drug is not fun, and we only hear the horror stories, never the good ones. There are those who when properly tapered slowly do just fine. You sure dont read horror stories of quitting cigarettes and caffine, but its hard, and not with discomfort. Ok-Your current situation, I definitely wouldnt drive on Xanax, until your system is adjusted to it. Is there anyway possible with all your family members, that you can ride with one of them? That way you can take the Xanax without the worrying of trying to operate a car, which you question may have mechanical problems driving there, yet it will help with the anxiety of the trip, I can almost sense you panicking at the 100 mile mark with no cell phone reception in your post. How much does your family know about your attacks and how supportive are they? Last but not least, regardless if you arent able to make the trip, dont beat yourself up over it, I know easier said than done, when the person on the other end of the line is *sighing*, you are seeing a professional, and you will make progress. Most times its baby steps. You cant expect even a infant that took two steps today, to be able to do the same tommorrow and be walking by the end of the week, its the same for us. Yes, I have been in your situation many times, sometimes I can make trips, others not, I have missed Thanksgivings, Christmases, etc. But letting go of the guilt is hard, but I have learned my limits and what not to push and not be my own worst critic, we are too much of people pleasers, afraid to let people down, then we bring ourselves down if we dont. Trish

I'll give a quick run down as to what I've been dealing with for the past four years. In 2000, I quit smoking two a half packs a day cold turkey for my 21st birthday. A few days after I quit I began getting migraine headaches every single day which would last day and night. This went on for 6-7 months and by the time Winter hit, living day to day was absolutely a nightmare. I began experiencing anxiety attacks on my way to work and on my way home from work in bad weather or bad traffic. I had a full blown panic attack at work during a horrible snow day because half of our staff called in sick, the work load was insanely huge and they wouldn't let me leave work. I felt trapped, looked outside and saw miles and miles of traffic and I knew it would take me hours to get home when I was actually able to leave. I just freaked out for about 30 mins. Strangely enough, by the 7th month the migraines went away when I took the advice of a doctor and quit caffeine. Since then though, I've had very bad anxiety associated with bad weather, driving long distances, being in areas I don't know and backed up traffic. I had doctors prescribe me xanax, zoloft and even welburtrin but I would only fill them. I took the xanax once and all the others I let collect dust in my medicine cabinet. When I took the xanax the one time, I was really amazed by how fast it calmed me down but I was so terrified of becoming addicted that I never took it again. I read horror stories about people getting anxiety / panic 10x worse when they got off xanax and that just freaked me out. So for the past four years now, I've been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks without medicine. A doctor has told me that I show signs of agoraphobia because I avoid going out. I've been unemployed almost the entire year, I'm stressed to hell because I can't find work and I think staying in 95% of the day every day has made things worse. Now I'm facing a weekend trip that I'm supposed to go on and I am terrified of it. Here's why.. The place I'm supposed to go is over 160 miles away from me in the middle of no where. It's a super small town of 3,000 people and the next nearest towns are 15-20 miles away. This is supposed to be a family getaway - everyone except my father will be there and