One would think that it would be pretty much over by now. Un huh. I'm aggravated by my husband sneaking cigs. He comes in smelling like smoke and it makes me want one and he refuses to give me even a puff (as he should) and it makes me mad. Just ONE. I have not had just one. N.O.P.E. That does not mean we are not fighting over it, and it does not mean that those fights are not getting more acrimonious because they are. We aren't throwing things - yet, but close.
I quit the gum. That lasted about 3 days. I went back to 1/2 a piece. But that is constantly, along with other commercial gum until my jaws started "clicking" and I had to stop and give them a rest. The cravings got so bad, I started back on a whole piece but not as often. I think maybe I'll get the lozenge for awhile. I've even thought about going back to the 4 mg to see if that helps but that's just too big a step back.
Sometimes when I'm working, I'll just put my scissors down, put my head in my hands and say "I want a cigarette so badly I don't know how to continue on." Then I continue on.
Early on, I had some really good days. I had days that were purely joyful. I had mornings where I woke up and didn't think about smoking at all. Those days are long behind me. I get up before dawn, every day, just because I can't stand laying in bed thinking about smoking anymore. I've got to get busy, try to get my mind off it. I'll read the posts here, try to regain my resolve.
Physically, I'm an absolute mess. I don't cough, but muscle strain and bone pain has me in constant agony. I go to a chiropractor twice a week, I take codine every night for the pain. I don't relax - ever. I've been working extra long hours, up to 14 a day, seven days a week. Top it off with a glass of wine. Nope. The end of the day must be a massive trigger. Sit down, have dinner or a glass of wine and a cigarette and the day is done. I've been avoiding that trigger by not allowing the day to be done until I collapse. I never realized before how cigarettes were the signal to stop, relax, get out of the workday and in to leisure mode. I have to learn a new technique. Either I'm too tired, in too much pain, or too into dealing with the cravings to find new ways to just shut down and relax.
I know that this is a long post, sorry for the rant but I just had to vent. I really need for this to get better. That it isn't is driving me to absolute tears.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/27/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 158
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,740
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,580.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 20 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 4 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47
