I guess I have been blocking my emotions, because I didn't want to face the reality...I too have come from a family that apparently had sexual abuse going on, but didn't hear about it until I was much older, when my mother was dieing all this stuff came out. I have never remembered it happening to me, but my brother and my sister said it both happened to them. My father was an alcoholic. I kept wondering through my life if something happened to me too; and although I was afraid of my father, I don't remember anything happening to me personally, except witnessing a few times my sister being chased into the bathroom. So I was afraid too. But since then, throughout my married life, I have had panic attacks in various places, one of which was with other men I have been attracted to. This has made a real mess of my life, as the people I liked I blushed around a lot, and I am a married woman with a very nice husband. I have finally come to face my emotions through this Panic Program, that maybe I did love these people, but didn't want to admit it even to myself. This is what we are talking about, not admitting our own feelings, or not really knowing what they are right? It is very confusing. It has caused others pain, and depression to myself. I hate myself for my feelings.
