Good to see your post SC. It's true I am a woman but I don't have a job which doesn't help out my anxiety panic situaution much. I came here to Maui to start a new business, my first venture of this sort. Well life came and kicked me in the rear pretty bad and derailed my plan which also soaked up a lot of my dollars for the venture. My plan and God's plan for me were two different plans because I now live in paradise on the edge of a rainforest. I am renting a house that has two huge hyroponic greenhouses. My original plan of starting a restaurant has now evolved into growing organic veggies for the restaurant industry. My story condensed. The way you describe your feelings, especially scrutinizing other "normal" people, I so did that. I would look at friends and strangers alike and think "I wish I could feel like they do". Honestly I don't know but they could have been looking at me and saying the same thing. I tell you SC what you describe is so much an sign of big time anxiety. The only way that I have found to stop the negative thought patterns is to take each individual thought and turn into a positive one. You speak of your life up until 1998 being what you expect life to be...believe it or not that life, your life is still there inside of you. I am sure you have seen posts on this site about negative thoughts and turning them around...well it's not B.S. it does help. I hope you will give a try or another try if you have already tried it before. Your feelings of being off balance is a symptom I am suffering from right now. I just let it come and go...however I have my moments where it gets to me and I retreat into my safe space for awhile. As far as Oregon, do go visit but just to take in that beautiful coastline and some of the lush forests...not for the other reason. Keep writing to us SC. It is totally o.k to write all of your feelings. I have and the people on this site have helped me by responding in a very positive way. Take care of you, Rose

Sleeping a hell of a lot. I keep wondering where am I going to go from here. Questioning Whether my life is worth anything anymore. My sleep pattern has been all screwed up. Woke up at around 6 AM, read a magazine that was laying around for a change. As I'm reading it it I realize more in more like my life is stuck in 1998. I'm not up to date with technology, current events, movies, TV, the news, politics etc. as I should be at all the way I used to. It feels like that's where it ended. 1998. 1998. I keep thinking of 1997 which was the best year I've ever had in my life I can't get over what I've turned out to. I'm feeling a big sense of emptiness and void inside, all kinds of thoughts going on. All these random events from my past keep popping in my mind all day long as well. I rarely get panic attacks, I had 2 or 3 full blown ones in the course of 6 months maybe- I just have constant anxiety ,nerve & muscle sensations all over my body constantly. All day, everyday. I do not understand it. For example-I just took the dog out & when I'm standing to hold on to his leash & walking back inside- My body experncies weird movement, unsteadiness & head tension. Even as I am typing this now my head is tense. It sucks. My friends came over last night & wanted me to go walk around & talk with them but the whole time we are all standing up having a conversation-this is what kinda goes on in my mind- Look at them-There all standing up talking to me, I'm observing there posture,stance & body language(which has started to be a bad habit with me I'm starting to do that with everybody I see now) & I'm thinking why do I always have the need to sit down. Why in the hell can't I stand up withought feeling all this discomfort & all these sensations?! This has been going on for 6 years. It gets so **** frustrating. Thanks for the responses everybody. I wish I could say that I could work, as bad as I would love to return, theres no way in hell I could function right now. Being on all this assistance sucks!!!! Talk about a blow to my self self esteem!!!! Try being a decent looking guy who went back to school for a semester & was asked out on numerous ocassions but held all my symtpoms & situation in. Now I'm in horrible avoidance. I can't meet anybody new period

SC, how are you? Rose

SC, DON'T GIVE UP. We know what you are feeling and it just sucks! I know that floaty surreal feeling at home and in public places but I did find a doc that hears me for the first time in my life it seems. I never thought I would see a light at the end of the tunnel but I sit here and can't remember my last attack and as far as anxiety I feel it some depending on the occasion. I am taking meds but I am also using tools to help my thoughts from going to the dark side. It isn't easy for sure but you are worth it, living your life again is worth it...so don't give up. Rose

Its funy that you say people think its all in your head. Thats what my husband tells me. He said just get over it will you its not that bad !!!! It can be depressing.. WHich is why this site is so good. People here know how hard it can be

That is one thing that can be depressing about this site. You can see there are 7, 10, 15 other insomniacs on line but there is no way to share a moment with any one. I agree it can be depressing when no one will pay attention to your problem because it is all in your head. But I finally found a doctor that will listen and therapist that I hope can help. So maybe SC if you keep trying you'll get lucky too. I know going away and sucking it up on my own never worked for me. Things just kept getting worse until I could hardly standup. But then maybe you are tougher and smarter than I am. I hope you get lucky and find someone who can help in a real way, though you'll end up doing most of the work because, unfortunately, that is just the way it is. It is your head. So if you decide to go to Oregon, they have some good docs there to. Good luck. I really wish I knew of dumpster where we could leave this trash. (the anxiety and panic)

I think I'd rather visit Oregon.

My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel all the way. I ahve anxiety all day everyday. I don't know how I even get to work sometimes and when I ma get here I hate it and want to go home... I would lit how I feel but it would take to long. Just as I get used to one thing another ones comes along. Just keep thinking you are not alone. To put up with what we do makes us very strong people and the stroner we get the better and easier it will be. Keep posting here.I am here all day when I am at work and log on at night when I can't sleep( most nights)

Hello SC78, Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I can understand your frustration. Please stay close to the site and keep posting. If you are having any thoughts of harming yourself please call a friend, a family member, your Doctor, 911 or visit www.hopeline.com. We are here for you. Susanne

I swear for the life of me I can't stand up straight without feeling off balance & completely tense. I went out to eat earlier today at a Mexican restaurant & I can't calm myself down. Even sitting down I get tension in my head(24/7) Then my chest(24/7), & it just builds up. After that a huge supermarket- Just walking around to get a couple of items, Ultra hyperawareness(Does that make anysense?)When I walk into the store, then all the way from my head to my chest is completeley tense, feeling like it's gonna explode. My hearts starting to beat a little faster, the color red seriously disturbs me. I know that is somehow connected with my some bad trips on LSD i had but that was 1995. I'm still frustrated ready to give in & I'll try to be more elaborate on my symptoms, history, etc. later but I can barely think right now. I'm even seeing stars. When I walk out of the store & sit on the bench, The pain, sensations, symptoms subside but are still there. Any m ovement of my head causes tension/diziness/vertigo. I ALWAYS get this feeling that I'm sinking into the ground, that I'm floating. Constantly. I fractured my foot March last year & was forced to perform heavy duty work on top of it, before I knew it was fractured, Then I was put on a walkable cast. As soon as the cast came off, back to heavy work again & for the longest I've been walking with a limp, my left leg feels longer then the other, now I'm having random pain in my legs,joints, & left foot. I saw another foot doctor who suggested to see a neurologist. In disbeieve I kinda caused a scene in his office because I AM SICK OF HEARING "I don't know what to tell you", Heres some pills,pils pills!!!! I'm on enough ,medication as it is which isn't really doing a **** thing for me. I haven't gotten hardly any progress in the past 6 YEARS!!!!! It gets hopless after a while & sometimes I honestly think about ending my life. I have tried once before & about a week ago? I have no concept of time. Everyday is the same old SH**T for me. I sat by a train track where I am "Living?" right now but I didn't even have the balls to jump. Sorry if I'm sounding like a crybaby or whatever anybody wants to call it, but going through life feeling like this for years isn't fun. There's a little bit