Hi all,
Where to start.... I have been reading these posts with interest as they seem in someway similiar to my own problem, and yet I have not come across a post that describes exactly my experiences.
For the past 18 months - every night (when I have not been on sleeping pills or a fair quantity of drink) I go to sleep, within 1 second of actually passing through the barrier of awake to sleep, I wake!
Prior to waking, for just a few mili seconds, I feel lightheaded, disorientated, slightly sick, it feels like the inside of my head is being twisted and contorted.
I wake in sheer fear, shock, panic. I usually at this time leap out of bed and shout "No No No" or make some unregonisable sound which means I really am not happy with what I am feeling and very confused and frightened, yet I am aware of where I am and what is happening.
Sometimes it feels like I have lost the control of my tongue - hence the funny sounds when I want to say "STOP!" or "NO!" I sleep alone so who only knows who I am shouting at?!? I can well imagine I am heard by my whole block of apartments. Probably explains the strange looks I get during the day.
Oh yes at this stage my heart feels like it is beating like a thousand times a second. I do not have a fear of dying or a pending heart attack. If anthing, it is a fear of going insane and loosing control that scares me.
After few seconds, I compose myself and try to sleep, only for it to happen time and time again.
I filmed myself last night only to see myself waking up in this manner 12 times in the space of 1 hour.
I know for certain, that this continues until I am utterly exhausted. I feel I eventually get a few hours sleep but wake so so tired... if I try to have a lay in and sleep - sure enough it happens all over again. So I get up and get on with the day.
As I said this has been going on for 18 months now, and the attacks are getting more severe, as in frightening and also more often. The physical sensation in my head is also feeling more powerful.
I know I am not going to die, but each time it happens the shock of this is as scary as if it was the first time. I have no choice but to be resiliant and keep trying to sleep.
Doctors, still to this day, after seeing 3 different ones and a psychiat