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Rachel, I'm definately not an expert, but I have had this disorder long enough to maybe offer you some advice. I don't know enough about you to give you any insight as to why you originally began to panic over becoming emotionaly attached to someone. But the reason you continue to do so is probably because once you panic during a situation, you begin to think you will always panic each time you are in the situation again. When we start a negative thought pattern we convince ourselves we will panic every time we put ourselves into a similar situation. People who suffer from panic and anxiety do this all of the time, that's how the panic grows. It can be over something trivial ,like I had my first panic attack in years while I was taking a bath at the time I didn't see it but now I know I was allowing my mind to think about things that had traumatized me in the past, the next thing I know I'm freaking out and in a total state of panic. After that every time I even thought about taking a bath I would panic. I know it sounds silly but that's how this disorder works. We also do it over more serious things like what your going through. I panic everytime I think about having to be around my sister in law because of some terrible things she has done to me in the past. Maybe if you write down what would happen to you if you get to close to someone, just ask yourself if I fall in love what then? if the answer is I become vulnerable and open myself up to getting hurt, ask yourself what then? and keep going until you get to the root of the problem. Once you find the real source of the anxiety you can then change it. :)
I'm really glad that I found this site and that I can talk to people that can understand what I'm going through. I have a question relating to this topic. I'm a 22 year old female and my sex drive is very low because of the stress and the medication. This is bad enough but it is not my main concern. My main concern deals with emotional intimacy. When I date a guy now everything is good at first. But as I get closer emotionally I freak out. I won't even know why I'll just start having panic attacks all day every day eventually to the point where I don't leave the couch. I then break up with the guy because I can no longer maintain a relationship with them in this state. Then after a while I can go out and do things again and I'm better. So now I avoid relationships and if I'm seeing a guy and we get closer and I feel that it is about to become serious I freak out and worry that I'll go through the same thing again. And that worry alone is enough to start making me have more frequent panic attacks. If some one could give me some advice on this I'd really appreciate it.
abby, If you don't mind me asking I was wondering if you have ever been sexually abused? Or has someone close to you been? Sometimes when you have panic and anxiety disorders even if an incident didn't happen to you but happened to someone you know you can become fixated on it . Sometimes all it takes is hearing something on t.v. and it will get stuck in your mind and cause you to dwell on it. Usually whatever we fear the most is what we we think about so we then become more panicky and the vicious cycle continues. Make sure you see a doctor who knows alot about PD GAD and OCD because they will understand that your thoughts are just thoughts and not freak out and scare you more.
Dear Abby,
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. I am glad to hear that ypu have told your doctor about this situation. Now you'll be able to take steps to solve it together. Just keep posting on the site, we are here to help and just listen if thats what you need. Keep us updated on how you are doing. Take care.
Susanne
hi all! :waves:
my name is abby and... i don't know, i think... i think i need to
talk to some like-minded people about some stuff that's been
on my mind of late...
anyway, i'm going to be twenty years old in a matter of
months and... and i'm still terrified of sex. i've never been in a
relationship and, though i want to, the idea of intercourse
repulses me to the core. it... it seems violent and violating
and controlling and gross and... yeah.
i'm trying to figure out why i have such a fear and my doctor is
being very helpful, but we've not yet come to any definate
conclusions. my mum died suddenly when i was eight years
old and for seemingly no reason, i developed an irrational
fear that he was going to rape me. i had that fear for a long
time and even discussed it with him. he was very
understanding, as he always has been--he would never ever
do anything like that and i know this, but part of me--the
illogical fear part--didn't let go of it. the last episode i had
surrounding this was two years ago when we took a road trip
together. i felt trapped in my own mind and sick and scared
and sad and when i got back home i started taking
medications. it's helped clear up a lot of my other anxieties
but this one--surrounding sex and touching--still remains.
so... that's all for now. sorry if i sound so awkward, i just... i
guess i've never really written about this. thanks for reading.
best to all of you.
--abby
I asked my husband and he can tell when I am anxious I do tend to turn the "do not touch me" light.
I know their are moments when i need a hug and others when if he even comes close to me as to rub my shoulders while I am at computer I tense up not wanting the touch.
I know what you mean, and sometimes it€™s just to much to deal with, I feel like I€™m on edge all the time and doing anything physical with someone is stressful, no matter how good the relationship, so I think part of it is also just wanting to kind of isolate yourself, if that makes sense. But I am jumpy at sounds and stuff and don€™t want to be touched a lot of the time, I just feel like I want to be left alone, so some of that might factor into it for you.
Thanks so much Becca. *Big hugs back!* :)
I'm feeling much better with all this now. My partner has been an angel through all this, bless him. Together we treated my fear of intimacy with exposure work, and it's working! I'm really positive that if I should ever relapse into this fear again, I'll overcome it no probs.
Thanks again everyone!
hiya hun,
i kind of know what you mean, i have lost interest. i get too nervous about it now and so just go to sleep, having joshua who is 2 there aren't many oppertunities for other intimate moments so they pass.
i know what you mean about loseing control. i think that it's ok to feel that way so don't be hard on yourself. have you chatted about this with your partner hun????
in every relationship there are needs and you have yours too, if you feel that there are expectations on you then may be you should chat with your partner, i'm sure he would understand, and then you could go through it together. please hun do things in your own time and that way you will know when you are ready. when you feel you have the control back you will be free.
i'm always here for you hun if you need a chat,
your specail, so do some thing nice for yourself at least once a day,
sending you a huge hug,
love
becca.
xxxxxxxxxx
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