Hello everybody and Steve, i just wanted to say that I completely relate with everybody's stories. I have been suffering from this for 9 years, it goes and it comes and lately it has been bad, I have been pretty much housebound - the dizziness is my worst problem. But let me tell you, my family took a trip to England and Egypt two months ago. I have not travelled in 9 years, I even had problems driving two hours from my house. I have been through the lowest of the lowest. But I went on the trip with a lot of hesitation, I even started crying at the airport but I knew that I wanted to see the world. I popped a xanax and I got on the plane ( I even am afraid of taking pills)I was anxious during the trip but I did it and I had my family there to help me. Even though they cannot fully comprehend my condition they just reassured me that I am OK and I'm not dying and I'm not going to faint, and if I do..well I do. I also had just stopped taking my celexa. But I did the trip and I am thankful a thousand times that I did. Yes there were times when I was anxious, but I felt I had to take this plunge into something I have been fearing, and at the end I gained strength and perspective and now I can smile at the fact that I saw the Pyramids and embraced myself in a culture that is so foreign. I think people who have this condition are highly intelligent and more in tune with their surroundings. I find that writing helps a lot.

Steve, there might be more guys who suffer from this but don't admit it - but I know how lonely you must feel. In my therapy group, there are two guys who suffer from agoraphobia as a side effect of schizophrenia, and three girls who suffer from agoraphobia by itself. When the group started, a guy came who was really anxious and had agoraphobia, a young guy, but he dropped out after the first time. I think he felt bad that he was the only guy in the group that had plain agoraphobia. But I wish he had stayed because I would have liked to have had his perspective and I certainly didn't look down on him or anything. In fact I thought he seemed really sweet. I know what you mean about not wanting to see people you knew before you had agoraphobia. It reaaally sucks. I sometimes wish I could make a completely new group of friends, so I wouldn't have to go into town and face all my old friends who are so comparatively cool and easy going and bla bla bla.

Steve, That really suck about your ex. But as far as the your whole neighborhood thinking you've lost it, I seriously doubt it. You'd be surprised how many people have this problem. The tough part is when people you know and love don't support you. My dad also suffers from panic attacks and my mom, although she goes to the E.R. and all that with him isn't supportive of him or me. She'll often tell me he was feeling well and roll her eyes like he's being a big baby. And since she's almost 60, I don't think she's going to change. So what I do is seek out people who will understand. I have a couple of people at my job who've been wonderful when I've had an attack at work. Sure they don't know what it's like, but they provide enough of a distraction. I think you should keep trying the grocery store and forget about your ex working there. If she's got a problem, then hey, good thing you're not together anymore, right? Well, I too am rambling and I gotta get to work. Take care!

Vicki that sucks & I feel for you. If you don't mind Does your husband somewhat understand what you're going through at least? Don't feel as if you're writing is a you thing I'm open to hear anybody's stories who has this sickness because I'm really staring to get concened about other people on this board too beacuse I know what it's like & I can relate to alot of people here. Besides what I wrote down later on is a me thing on my part that bothers me My ex girlfriend kinda did undrestand when I 1st started getting the symptoms of panic disorder & wasn't really sure what was going on. I remember her telling me one time how suprised she was that she could hear my heart pounding all the way through my back! & she "understood that I didn't feel like going to the mall" like I used to love doing(just like grocery shopping)blah blah blah This was all around the summer of '98. by the way. We were still going out to the beach,etc. I lost my job back then because of this & moved in with my Aunt that summer on top of all that when I was in that really losing it phase when I didn't have any medication(Not that it's not really done too much for me anyways but mask the symptoms slightly & now I've been feeling like a straight up slowed up worthelss vegetable!) to find out she cheated on me! she begged & cried for me to take her back, said she wanted to marry me, had people calling me up telling me she was going to commit suicide if I didn't except her apologies but I told her forget it. To put the icing on the cake, I found out she had gotten together with one of my best friends & even got engaged to him & had a kid too. They eventually broke it off but ...he's really the closest person I consider my friend or even talk too anymore. Sorry for my little sob story but that kinda makes matters worse. I keep thinking backwards instead of forwards. Anyways I want to go back to the store but there's more reasons I have for my avoidance behavior that are personal but I don't care anyways- Another one of my ex-girlfriends is an assistant manager of the store & I feel like such a loser & it's like I don't even want her to see my face. I get this feeling the whole neighborhood must think I lost it when I moved back here beacuse I used to be so **** o

Hey Steve, As far as us all being female, I've just come across this great anxiety chat site and there are lots of guys. I wouldn't say 50/50 but probably 40/60 or so. I was never much into the chat room thing myself but I've gotten into this one. If you want the URL, email me cause I don't think I'm allowed to post it on here. sarah_corm@yahoo.com

I'm trying to write this without sounding like a "me" thing. At least you went to the grocery store. I knew yesterday that I should go to the store and deliberatly started a fight with my husband so I wouldn't have to go. I said "I'm not going anywhere with you" and crawled into bed and slept the whole afternoon till I knew it would be too late to go. So...are you going to at least go back and see if it repeats itself? I can't even get that far. But one funny thing is, I can go to one grocery store and do well, but I can't go to my regular one. I think because it's bigger and there's only one entrance/exit spot and I feel very trapped there. The store I don't have trouble with has a larger entrance/exit spot and it's right in the middle of the store front, so being at either end isn't nearly as frightening as being at the opposite end of the store exit. I get that lightheaded walking on clouds type of feeling and it's NOT a good feeling for me. Rambling again....good luck!

Thanks Betty that shed some light on me. I don't open up my feelings about my situation to too many people I know or my family too well for that matter I feel completely ashamed & embaressed about it but on this board I found I don't care anymore...it's hard to bottle up so much of this in... For God's Sake I haven't even seen a physchiatrist for over 2 months or a therapist in quite a while. I really need some help. And good luck to everyone who goes through this & understands It's a freaking nightmare aint it?!

Steve, As far as us all being women, that's probably not true - you can think of this way...that you're a real man who's able to express how he feels - and as a man you're not being cast aside as just another hysterical woman who's just - forgive me - PMS'ing. Well, that was either helpful or patronizing - hope it's not the latter. Either way, this support group seems like a good place to blow off steam and hey, we all know what you're going through. Take care.

Thanks for the responses everybody. I don't even own a car so driving would be out of the question- That's realy been depressing the living s**t out of me- ...I've been in alot of near death experiences in cars before..... If God willing I ever get one SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE!(That is if I have one at all )! I won't panic & freak out like I've read all the stories that so many other people do. Anyways I'm rambling. Yes I need to stop isolating myself and I guess do some exposure. At one point I was improving but I guess because I've been feeling like total S**T about myself & my life lately a.k.a beating myself about it I guess that might help. The only way I used to conquer the symptoms was to drink my ass off.....It's been over a year I've been clean & quit cold turkey but there hitting me worse Thanks alot everybody but It still gets to me that nearly all of you are women though. Man I sure could use some counseling. :confuse: :confuse:

Hey Steve, I know what you mean. No matter how hard you try to change your thinking, the physical symptoms are just too overpowering. How can you think rationally when everything in your body is telling you that something terrible is wrong. I don't think people without this problem have ever experienced the sheer terror and torture of this fear even when in real life or death situations. Try not to get too down on yourself. You're not alone. I am sometimes amazed at what my body and mind can go through and feel like my nervous system is shot as well. Take care