Hi, Dennis! Sometimes I read some of the postings and feel compelled to write. Yours is one of those.
I have suffered from panic/agoraphobia/depression since I was a little girl and I'm 45 years old now. Back then, no one understood it and there was no support out there. I felt like a freak. (I spent 2 years in my mother's house from the age of 17 to 19 and barely went outside. When I did venture out...I paid the price with ultimate panic attacks and her yelling at me because she didn't understand what was happening.)
But, like you, I am a strong person and somehow managed to dig myself out of it...even with no help. I never quite got over fear of some things, but was able to have a life, job and family. I sort of built my own comfortable world to live in and I was relatively happy. Sometimes the world was real big and sometimes (during hard emotional times), it would shrink. But, I kept going.
Starting 3 years ago, I began to have a health problem and no doctors believed I was really sick. I felt worse and worse and finally, 4 months ago, I couldn't get out of bed and ended up having several surgeries. The agoraphobia/panic/depression became horrible from what I had lived through. I wouldn't even leave my bed, let alone the house. I stopped going to my job (even knowing my family could lose our home)and stayed in bed for 9 weeks. I thought I would never be able to go outside again. I completely isolated myself from my husband and children and just layed there. The days just melted together. It was awful. I even tried antidepressants, but due to side effects, could not take SSRI's. It was just another slap in the face to me.
Well, guess what? That was not even 3 months ago and I am at a new job (closer to home...more comfy for me) and am not in bed all day, anymore. Is life perfect?...absolutely not. I still suffer agoraphobia/panic and depression. I still sometimes come home and isolate. But, the difference is, I stopped giving up hope. I am looking at this as the beginning now, instead of the end. (This can be your beggining, too.)
I started by just forcing myself to stand next to my bed (I wouln't leave the bedroom) for 10 minutes several times a day. Then, I started to walk out of the room just to get my shower (and