Dear Ann,
Do not feel alone, at all. The feelings you expressed seem like common denominators to those of us who suffer from anxiety/panic disorder. I feel the exact same way, and if you asked any number of sufferers, the response would be the same, "yes". I don't know how long you have been having these feelings, but, know one thing - it really is a battle of sorts. There are ways to 'deal' with anxiety. Hopefully, you are able to see a good doctor to council with. If not, read many of these posts on this sight - and see what others have written. I 'always' have a certain medication in my purse - just in case. I have been in 'seriously' embarrassing situations, my marriage virtually broke up because of my husband not wanting to go through the hassle of 'me' being anxiety ridden. So, onward and upward went my life. I have struggled through the worst attacks, and am living to tell about it - I am perfectly normal, have a good job and enjoy life very much. However, it took allot of work to get to where I am now. I researched endlessly about anxiety and panic disorders - was in a group for three and one half years - it was great! I still have them, after 16 years. But, I know the 'beast' - I understand it - I have learned ways of dealing with the panic attacks - just remember...they won't kill you, you 'won't' go crazy - they 'always' pass, don't they? Just keep on trying to find out as much as you can about this disorder - with or without a doctor(preferrably 'with' a doctor) - so there...hang in there, post often, research, ask questions and analyze yourself before, during and after an attack - try not to be afraid of them - don't let it get the best of you. I find that 'Ativan' has been the only med that has totally allowed me to function in society just fine - fends off the 'beast'. I do wish I did not have to take the medication, but, I do so, only as needed. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone!!
Bye for now...