Even tho is is only 640am, I was up at 530am. Our car has been messing up and after several years and just in the recent months, I had begged hubby to have it looked at. He kept putting it off.
My most important appt w/ the GI doc is tomorrow and I am afraid I will have to cancel it. I have been waiting 3 weeks for my results to find out what they are going to do. I have been living w/ pain in the breatbone area since July, bloat off and on since July. He came home from work early this morning, and told me about the vehicle. I wasnt even awake and when a problem arises that is beyond my control, I would reach for my smokes, go outside, and sit.
I sat on the couch and started crying. The junkie inside was crying out for a smoke, but my mind was saying how would having a smoke, solve the problem? I was literally in turmoil. With strength, I pulled the junkie voice out and 'tossed' it into the corner. I held onto my rational thoughts and basically talked myself out of wanting one. I figured if the results were bad, they would have called me by now so no news is good news, Right? The doc's office is over an hour away so taking a taxi is out of the question.
It feels like I am on a tiny raft, being tossed around in the Atlantic and there is nothing but water surrounding me. Faith. Deep Breathing. Mind Occupying.
I keep asking what have I done to deserve this? Why so many trials and tests and all at once? Were they there all along and I chose to hide behind the smoke? So many questions to anwser =(
Thanks for listening to me babble again. Coffee. I need coffee.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/21/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 173
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $34
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36
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Quit Meter
$39,370.97
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 462
Hours: 17
Minutes: 11
Seconds: 22
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
3497
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
80,431
Cigarettes Not Smoked