Hi Wacky! You know you can do this...and we're all here ready to help you any way we can. Sending you strength and positive thoughts! Go Wacky! Windy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 33 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 678 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $165 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48

Hi Wacky I honestly forget sometimes how many days I have quit (except on Monday since that was my quit date) so the meter is just a tool that may or may not help you. Likewise, I forget to look at how many cigarettes I haven't smoked or how much money I saved. I have learned from the people here that it is extremely important to reward myself and I'm learning how to do this. I have also learned that it is very important to take care of myself (which to me, means getting enough sleep, getting exercise and not being too hard on myself) If I have been cranky (when it wasn't warranted), I apologize and let the person know that I am a little extra touchy right now. Most people are so supportive of my quitting that they are quite forgiving of the crankiness. Now spouses unfortunately take the full brunt because they are with us so much of the time. I prepared mine quite well by being cranky on a regular basis prior to my quit (however - your mood changes may be a shock to your partner). When I have had enough, I shut down...read a book, crawl under the covers, watch t.v. (by myself). Sooooooooo as I ramble on, I guess what I am really saying is that I do whatever I possibly have to so that I don't ever smoke again. Wishing you all the best! You have had one completely smoke-free day! Do I hear another coming on?? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 16 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 338 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

Wacky - I see myself in your totally warped existence so I have kept up with your posts on a regular basis. I was terrified of a life without my cigarettes!! (How could we not be - they have been part of our life for almost as long as we can remember) Read the post about the fear of quitting (We are not alone!)I was afraid of quitting first and foremost because I was sure that I was going to fail....but I was also afraid that I would never be able to have fun, never be able to deal with stress, (basically never be able to do anything) It's probably no accident that my quit wasn't planned. Thinking about it and planning it was almost more terrifying than doing it. (Kinda like standing on top of a cliff, ready to jump in the water) The thing is I really don't know that I won't be able to have fun or that I won't be able to deal with stress. How would I? I have never tried to have fun or deal with stress as a non-smoker during my adult life. I have discovered that I can survive the first two weeks....that I can learn how to relax without smoking and that I can deal with the minor stressors of life. I know that I am going to struggle all over again as I start to tackle the tougher stuff and that it might be a long while before I will be a "social butterfly". The successful quitters tell me that I will survive...so right now my money's on them. As for being totally warped - why would we change that??? That's the part that makes us soooooooo interesting! Windy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 378 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $90 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

Hi Wacky I can see that you are putting alot of thought into your quit and how you are going to make it work for you. Good for you! My quit is an emotional quit too (I only rated a 3 on the physical addiction scale) yet I am still using the patch. (Not recommending it, just wanting to be forthright about it) I know that cigarettes have been a crutch for me my entire adult life. I smoked when I needed to relax, I smoked when i was socializing, I smoked when I was stressed, I smoked when I was excited. For me, the fear was not dealing with the 72 hours of withdrawal but losing the one thing that I thought that I could always count on. However, I had no intention of dealing with all my emotional issues at the same time as dealing with physical withdrawal. Despite using the patch, I felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails and often wondered if I could survive. I didn't crave for 10 mins at a time...I craved ALL the time. I couldn't think of anything else. This week, I have actually experienced a calm in the storm. I think perhaps because I woke up thinking about what I was going to do that day rather than thinking about how I was going to be deprived of smokes. I am far away from the end of this battle...but I am enjoying the relative calmness and happiness of these last couple days and hoping they will give me strength for some of the difficult days ahead. The physical side of this battle is the least of our worries. Learning how to live our lives without our addiction is the challenge. But so many people have done it and I haven't yet heard of anyone who regrets it. You are so right...this is your quit...and you have to decide what works for you. Please keep posting and keep up the good work! Congrats on another smoke-free day! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 358 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $85 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 47 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

First day's always the hardest - BUT - I just did this not a week ago. I KNOW I CAN do it... just have to keep believing that it matters. (And that's the real on-going battle). Sat & Sun will actually be harder than Monday. But I have help here at work, too. We're a tight group - we're all miserable & over-stressed!! ;) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

Going again...starting tomorrow. Overwhelming emotions are my reality right now - smoking or not. So why not at least get rid of the smokes...essential crutch or not? I am learning OTHER ways of coping - so I'm gonna try putting them to use. Fingers crossed for me, guys!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

Checking in... Thanks guys. No, I'm not afraid. After attempting quitting so many times, I knew what to expect and really, it wasn't as bad as some other attempts. HOWEVER...my smoking in the first place came about as part of a reaction to trauma and is deeply associated with emotional experiences related to that unresolved trauma. And right now, it appears that my job is invoking these. (I am in therapy and it's dredging up some of this intense emotional stuff, too - but I'm resolved to keep going on the quit - however imperfect it now is. Resolution in therapy will mean control of emotional triggers, for me - or least a better grip.) I've had slips. Plural. I am NOT however giving up. Since I wasn't challenged on vacation or at home alone, and it wasn't that difficult - it figures that work & therapy would be the tough week. I've been a bit "easy" on myself this week (some slack) - but I'm NOT giving up. I have to work through this one emotion (it seems) at a time...and have a deadline again for going completely free, now that the worst of re-entry to work is over & an understanding of where the therapy is going is a bit clearer. And this time, I'll probably reset my meter...sigh. :blush: [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/24/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 467 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $90 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

OK - I think I was a bit over-sensitive yesterday and didn't see the advice offered for what it was - trying to help. I had to completely retreat for most of the day - even the dog felt like I'd abandoned him. Thank you all for putting up with my outburst. I used smoking to satisfy the need for comfort; being completely without nicotine I was experiencing the inconsolable abandonment of removing my "security blanket". Hubby is getting closer to quit; his process is very different than mine. Part of my emotional quagmire is that this is our vacation week at the beach, and to deal with all of this - we've had to withdraw from each other. It hasn't been a lot of fun. But we have gotten plenty of rest, which is what our vacations have been evolving into the past few years, anyway. What I haven't had are a lot of distractions - pool too cold to swim, can't drive to the beach (it's a big truck), and not able to focus enough to try artwork. Needlepoint is all my ability to concentrate can handle - and that's hard to accept. When we get home, he's going back to work, but I've taken another week off. My plan is to adjust to being home alone, and facing myself and the cravings, the permission to indulge in a "forbidden pleasure" before going back to the stress-factory of my job. Monday, I have an appointment with my therapist and Tuesday, I have tai chi. There is a ton of housework waiting on me - indoors & out. It's time to put my gardens to bed. I'm looking forward to being that busy, and working on my projects, on my schedule. I've been dealing with night-terrors - runaway imagination amplifying every sound or half-seen shape into a primal monster out to get me. The anxiety isn't as bad during the day - I do have some things to occupy my mind, even though I'm pretty much over day-time TV. Slept very poorly last night, until hubby got up at 3. Then it was like a fever broke...I cooled off (sort of a prolonged hot flash)...brain quieted down...and muscles relaxed. I'd been trying to get there for 6 hours...breathing exercises, relaxation techniques...but every little thing woke me, startled me, made me hyper-alert. I don't know what this is, really. But I think getting some more exercise will help. I have a couple more days to try to enjoy this place...whic

Thanks guys. YES, another smoke-free day yesterday. The black & white absolutist approach simply provoked a contrarian response in me, on my quit date. Yep, you're right - it invoked my child - "he gets to smoke, why not me"? And unfortunately, I had to placate the whiny brat enough, to be able to continue on. This is what I mean about not having a "perfect" quit. The first day, I had to deal with the deprivation - emotionally. The second day was much better...the third better still. There is plenty of commitment here; my process just isn't as on/off, as some you. The struggle to get smoke-free during the first days of my quit is just me earning the status and dealing with the reasons why I started smoking in the first place. Then too - hubby and I have to relearn to spend time together without smoking. And we're on vacation, when I want to "have fun" - which up until now, included smoking. When you've smoked for 30+ years, any cigarette you don't smoke is a success, and it's much more useful for me to accept the "lie", as someone called it, of smoking on day one while learning & dealing with the underlying emotional landscape which is so much a part of WHY I SMOKED in the first place. I know damn well that I smoked on day one and I know what I was up against emotionally. I am not lying to myself or you all. Day one and two were struggles to GET smoke-free and learn enough about the emotional traps that kept me smoking. I smoked to control my emotions which are overwhelmingly powerful & unpredictable at times and they have controlled my behavior for a long time. There wasn't any way of predicting when, where or what emotional storm was going to hit me... and I have only a few tools for dealing with it. But I also needed to look at it very closely, experience it in all it's perverse glory - consciously - and start to see how connected it is with my smoking. And deprivation to the point that I invoked the emotional storm, was the only way to do this; smoking in the situation allowed me to really see what my imagined emotional "payoffs" for smoking were...and how rediculous they are. This is the real demon in my habit - and while all the physical tools here are helpful, there really weren't any emotional tools to prepare me for my particular hell. Th

OK, Sunday was my quit date and I did fine up until an opportunity to smoke came up. Hubby is quitting with me, but has been holding on to one or two a day as his security blanket. A series of tiny frustrations and disappointments got blown up into a total meltdown - to justify smoking "just one". THIS is what I meant about emotional things sabotaging my quit. World War III can be something as simple as needing to get something to eat - and hubby not pulling off at the first opportunity - communication issues: I haven't told him exactly what I want and he won't decide either. Monday was a bit better. I shared a couple with him, but didn't light up any of my "own" smokes. Still having meltdowns over trivial things. Tuesday was even better - no smoking; but still with the daily meltdown, temper tantrum, whatever you want to call it. And the meltdown is what I used to control with smoking...and what I'm totally helpless to deal with otherwise. Have been trying a cup of Sleepytime tea with a touch of Valerian...but that's just keeping me from climbing the walls physically - I wanna be sedated. The meltdowns are a problem; they frustrate hubby no end and are mostly because of communication issues and me feeling completely hopeless, miserable, and I embarass him by making nasty statements. Maybe I'm mad that he's still smoking a few every day. Maybe this emotional storm is all part of my brain chemistry re-settling into a new pattern...rewards DO help a little bit. Can I up the frequency of rewards? More than once a day? to help pacify the viking warrior that keeps rising up every afternoon? I'm still keeping my meter where it is; have accepted that my quit is definitely a struggle at the beginning and am working toward total abstinence with yesterday/today - going cold turkey because I can't use NRT with high blood pressure (I am using a homeopathic remedy which has helped some). What else is there to keep me from acting like a spoiled 10 year old? I really am pushed beyond my capacity for self-control. Thanks. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/24/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 81 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $15 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 49 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13