hey everyone hang in there?[font=Times New Roman]Text[/font]

Hi Marianne. Well, I've never wanted to trim my neighbor's bushes :) I think with me the control is within myself. No desire to control other's actions, but I HAVE to be able to control my own and I think it is a trust thing with me too. I agree with you. I'm coming up on a year of therapy too and also sick and tired of this. The guy that wrote the book is a Ph.D and is CBT oriented but he had panic for years himself and in reading it you recognize instantly he knows first hand what it is like. He does a better job than any other book in breaking down the physiology, the different thinking components that add in, personality stuff, and other things that I had never seen that made me feel less nuts. The only thing I don't care for is the book is geared toward what he calls "The Change Program" which I guess there are certain therapists around the country that do it and the book doesn't go into that. I can't remember how much I paid for it. I got it on Amazon.com used and again, it really is the best I have read. Most others were the same old "let the panic flow over you" kind of BS.

Beats me. My boyfriend drives me round the bend, too! Eg if he gets himself a sandwich he leaves the cutlery drawer open, leaves the butter outside the fridge, leaves the bread bag open, doesn't use a plate so all the crumbs fall on the floor, leaves the dirty knife on the table, leaves the light on and the kitchen door open and sits down in front of the telly. I'm forever tidying up after him. I know it's stupid but I don't want to nag and I also don't want to live in a mess. To him the natural place for any kind of object (books, papers, clothing) is the floor, and dishes are to be washed when there are no clean ones left in the cupboard. Aaaaargh! Sometimes he does the drawer thing on purpose to wind me up. I'd be reading the paper and he takes something out of a drawer. He'd then almost close it but not quite, and I just can't keep reading, I have to get up and close the drawer! And I know full well it doesn't make the tiniest bit of difference if the drawer is closed or not. And no, he never had a panic attack in his life! Marianne

Maybe that is the kind of CBT we should do :). Maybe the therapy should be that under no circumstances can you make your bed for a whole week. Or how about have people come over but you are not allowed to vacuum? I'm getting silly now but I'll tell you what. My boyfriend has that attitude and it drives me crazy! For example he tore up the bathroom to put a new tub in it, last TUESDAY!! The bathroom cabinets and stuff are in the living room the toilet is full of dust. You have to put shoes on to go potty. He's answer is...at least you can take a shower and use the toilet. Oh yeah and you're going to love it when it's all done! Now if that was me I would stay up day and night and finish it, but not him...So how does he do it? How do people just look at the bright side? How can you just go to sleep when you're tired when the house is a disaster? :confuse:

Hi Whisper, Wow, Dancing with Fear is expensive! £25 for a paperback! On the other hand one 50 minute session with my therapist is £28! Can you tell me more about it? If it's helped you then chances are it might do me some good, too. I just don't want yet another book on CBT... Marianne

Ohhhhh yes! Sounds VERY familiar! Are you the one in your street who gets mad when the neighbours don't trim their hedges and ends up doing it for them? Well I am! :) For me personally I've got a theory that I need to be in control of things. Maybe it's a lack of trust in other people, maybe due to childhood experiences, but I feel if you want a job done properly you have to do it yourself. And having a panic attack the ultimate fear for me is being out of control and not able to help myself, and having to rely on other people. I had a ****ty day on Saturday. I had asked some people round for dinner and was preparing food and tidying up the house all day long, to have everything just perfect. Although I do enjoy this sort of thing I kept thinking what if I had an attack while they were there, all the work would have been in vain, they would be disappointed, the whole jigsaw puzzle would collapse. Instead of enjoying myself I felt awful all day long, constantly on the brink of a panic attack. Luckily I was fine once they were there, but I'm sure I would have been so much better if I could have left the mess and the cobwebs and just ordered in some pizzas. Don't know what the solution is. I've been in therapy for over a year now and we've discussed soooo many issues, but when it comes to the crunch I feel (almost) as bad as before. I'm just so sick and tired of it. Marianne

Yup. I'm a perfectionist. Research suggests that an anxiety personality has the following characteristics. responsible/dependable, perfectionistic, high expectation of self, likes to please others, suggestible, fearful of rejection, sensitive to critism, need to be in control, problems with asertiveness, black and white thinking, many "shoulds" and "what if" thinking. I had some problems in reading this because with my thinking I felt they didn't fit with me being "perfect" ;). After being a little more honest with myself I decided with an exception or two, I fit the profile pretty well. I think for me analytical also fits. I (unfortunately) analyze everything to death and I don't think it helps at times. One of the best books I have read on anxiety/panic is Dancing With Fear by Paul Foxman. Don't know the author and have no financial gain by suggesting it.

Does that crooked picture on the wall drive you just crazy? Do you get out of bed to clean that cob web because it's just not allowing you to fall asleep in that corner of your room? Do you just wish that people would start teaching their kids values? I'm sure if you're like me you spend most of your time trying to make everything just right. Here is the idea. I started thinking that maybe this is one of the causes of panic attacks. Maybe we're trying to be perfect in a imperfect world and when things don't work out we suffer inside untill our bodies say "enough! all this agravation has to come out so you're going to have a panic attack and go on with your life". In this case maybe the panic program is right, we have to challenge our thoughts, but not the thoughts of panic but rather the thoughts that we are not allowed to feel this way. Maybe we have to learn how to let go. That's why I wrote this. I wanted to know if this is the disease of perfection. We already know it affects the smart people. Maybe there is something that we (the people who actually suffer with this) can think of that would help us. See, the people who make the drugs and do the therapy do not have panic attacks. They can tell you what the experts say and what research shows. I watched that show on HBO about panic attacks and I cried the whole time. My boyfriend and my friends were looking at me as if I was nuts. That's because I was the only one who knew what that poor woman felt when she was abandoned in traffic in the name of therapy. I just wanted to reach through that TV and pull her off the highway. So we're the only ones who can actually think of answers to our problems. Yes, the therapy and the drugs work but there have to be some common triggers that we all experience that would help us learn more about this. Even with a therapist it's hard to tell him or her what really bugs you. And when you do they try to diagnose you with obssesive compulsive disorder. What I'm trying to say is that maybe if we could tell people who understand what really bother us (like the fact that my boyfriend never dries his back when he gets out of the shower :) ) maybe we could let go of some silly issues and ease our minds and learn to let the world be and maybe let ourselves be and that way maybe th