Hi, My name is Mary and i have been dealing with and having panic attacks, depression and generalized anxiety for about one and a half years now. All through high school i was extremely shy and dealt with depression. My senior year of high school I started smoking marijuana and had a lot of stress, both which i think contributed to the onset of my panic attacks/anxiety. They got progressively worse over the summer before I finally had a nervous breakdown. I started taking meds after that and was better for a while but then stopped because i wanted to drink in college. My panic attacks where bad, i got 3 to 4 a day. I relapsed into depression again and my panic attacks started to return. I was bad, i started cutting myself. At this point i went to my psychiatrist again and got more drugs. I was okay for a while again but then i knew that in order for me to live a normal life i would need to be on medicine, dependent on it for the rest of my life. That scared me and i stopped again. this recent summer i started drinking adn smoking again and started to feel i was getting worse. I recently went away to colllege far from home and started smoking alot and drinking alot. Two weeks ago i started to feel sick and tired, spacy and burnt out. Thats when my depression started to come back and i keep getting panic attacks and anxiety all the time. It seems though if i smoke once or twice mildly a week that things seem to be a lot better, almost as good as medicine. i dont know why im writting all this but its really hard to tell people who dont understand and go through the daily struggles that i do in my life. it seems like their are just too many underlying issues in my past to fix and im scared that i will always be this way. its scary and hard to feel like this, i just wanted to tell my story for myself and those who suffer similairly. I know what its like and understand. well thanks for reading about me and my f uped life, if anyone needs advice or just needs to talk write me back and id be glad to talk
