Yesterday morning had to be the absolute worst of my cravings! I think I was handling myself pretty well except when I had to go meet my mother early that morning for some light shopping. For some reason beyond my comprehension, she just kept saying the stupidist things and provoking me to get an attitude. :O It didn't matter what I'd say about a certain thing I liked, she just kept debating me as to why her way of reasoning was justifiable. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Anyway, I remained as polite as possible by saying "ok, fine, but that's just how I feel about it." When this 'outing' was finally over, I said 'goodbye' and was on my way home, when suddenly I got to thinking how stressed she always makes me. We've never been really close anyway, but OOH sometimes she just gets under my skin. I've noticed how much more I smoke after she and I have had our disagreements. And yesterday, I was sure looking to have one in the car. The urge was so strong and I could've easily swung by the store, but I resisted. I reminded myself that I was doing this for ME and ME only! That if I don't do it, no one else will do it for me. I was still ruffled, but I managed not to yank any hair, grit my teeth, bite nails, or curse at anyone for the remainder of the day. WHEW! :)
Today was much better. The thing I found most amazing was how much I'm beginning to analyze my behavior and my old habits. All through out today everytime I would start to think hard about something or get stuck on something, I would think, "Hmmmm....wonder what I could do about this or that. I guess I'll ponder on it while I have a smoke." Then it would hit me: I don't smoke anymore. And I would start laughing. Never realized before now how much I depended on Nic and his friends for almost everything in life. Problem solving, stress relief, post meals, boredom, socializing, and even sex required cigs!! LOL.
Keeping busy and not allowing myself to focus on cigs has been very helpful. I have however had some urges, but I reminded them of who's in charge of this ship. ME! I'll make the decisions as to what route I'm gonna take, not the Nic!! Even if I have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Today I say NO to NIC....N.O.P.E.
Leolibra
Kickin' the Nic
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My