Lady, thanks for your input. Unfortunately, he hasn't been feeling any guilt as he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I couldn't care less whether he quits or not (well, you know what I mean...his quit is his and mine is mine) but the fact that he made me feel like crap about having cravings, telling me he's not having any and all that stuff...I just don't know how I can forgive that. He doesn't lie to me and I don't lie to him. That has been one of the strong points in our marriage! We've both been married twice before and know with all out hearts that we are the ones for each other. I just am so upset that he regards me so lowly that he has to be this way. Obviously he doesn't want to quit or he wouldn't have lied to me and my son all this time and would have just said "hey, I'm having a bit of a setback but I'll get back up on that horse". He doesn't think he ever had a setback...he's just still smoking. I don't care about that...just want him to be honest. Guess this really is a question for a shrink huh? N.O.P.E. Janet [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/3/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 608 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $90 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38

I guess I do need to talk to a shrink...I don't know how I can forgive the lies, knowing how easy it was for him to lie to me. I am proud of myself for my quit...I don't have any cravings and this hasn't caused me to question my quit...just my marriage. N.O.P.E. Janet [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/3/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 608 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $90 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36

I'm so upset and hurt I don't really know where to begin. Since my quit began 30 days ago, my husband has been super supportive. He even quit 25 days ago - or so I thought. For weeks he's been coming home occasionally smelling like smoke with the excuse that "Dave (a friend) came to my work to play internet pool and was smoking". I accepted that as my husband had never lied to me about anything in the 4 years that we've been together (again, so I thought). Each time that I mentioned a craving or something that I was feeling, he was very smug..."it's still bothering you that much? I'm over all that...doesn't bother me at all"...crap like that. Well, last night, I was talking to him about how excited I was to be reaching 30 days in my quit and he says "I'm not exactly there yet". I said "I know, but you're only a few days behind me". He says "no, not really". Why do men say "not really"????? Never understand that one. Anyway, I ask him what he means...he says "I smoke every now and then but I'm still quit". I told him "no, you really aren't". He got all upset that I accused him of not being quit. I couldn't believe my ears. I told him "you are one puff away from a pack a day and if you are smoking AT ALL then you are not quit, period". I am so upset that he's been lying to me and himself, thinking he's been quit when he really isn't. What's worse, he's been making me feel like crap for having any type of attitude or mood over a craving by telling me that "I'm not bothered by cravings at all". Well no wonder! He's not been quit for more than a damn day since starting this! I just don't know what to do now. No, I don't want to smoke...furthest thing from my mind. But how do I look at my husband, knowing he's been lying to me and my 9 year old (who has been SO proud of us both) and not want to knock him flat on his a$$?? I've tried talking to him but of course, he's just all mad now that I told him he's not quit. How can you be quit and still be smoking????? N.O.P.E. Janet [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/3/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 608 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $90 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

He is a lying DOG :mad:but all you can control is your own quit. Do not get upset with him and blow it. Just do not light up one cigarette ever. Janet [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 195 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,902 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $975 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Janet, I can't talk to you about the quit because I am so new at this. But, I can talk about the lie. I had a lie told to me and it took me a good while to really understand that lie. It hurt so much that I thought I could never get over it. It came down to this...the person that lied to me did so because he was embarrassed by what he did. When I read your post it is exactly how I felt and I think your hubby's behavior is reflective of how my "liar" was handling it. Tried to make the lie no big deal...boy did that P%$%%$ me off even more! Thank goodness we forgive and forget...I just had my 5th wedding anniversary to my liar [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 149 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $25.13 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

Perfectly normal questions Janet. I've been divorced myself so believe me I understand all the "why does this happen and why can't he just....." questions. Some things are just out of our control. Trust me, I'm not excusing the lies. There is nothing I hate more than to be lied to. I'm just saying the junkie is talking to you. You know how sneaking that junkie can be. Protect your quit. This really is all about you. Don't let the frustration of others cause you to question your ability to succeed. You have an awesome quit going. Put this behind you. Keep holding your head high and be proud of yourself. We are proud of you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 216 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,328 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $756 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 47 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

Janet.... Breathe in :gasp: Breathe out :8o: Repeat several times. Remember this is an addiction. Smoking is getting a fix for your addiction. Addicts lie. That is a fact of life. I'm sure he wants to be just as quit as you are. Your question about how can he be smoking and not understand he isn't quit...well I may be able to shed some light on that one. For six months I walked around telling everyone I had quit, including my exhusband (he wasn't an ex at the time). I snuck off to get my fixes but I was "only" smoking 4 to 10 cigarettes a day. Prior to that I smoked 2 packs a day. So, statistically in comparison, 4 to 40 was quit in my mind. I spent 6 months of my life like that. The guilt is awful. I'm glad your hubby confessed. I'm sure it has been driving him nuts. Try not to focus on the fact that he lied to you. Remember, he is an addict. Be glad that he came clean. The longer he lied the worse it would have been. I know you are hurt but try to be the supportive, forgiving wife and encourage him to quit for real. Explain how wonderful you feel at 30 days. It just gets better and better. You are fighting for your lives. Give it everything you have. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 216 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,328 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $756 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40

Hi Janet, I'm glad you got through this. I think your story touched a nerve in many people. We so understand your rage and on the flip side, we also understand your husband's lie (shame). What is truly amazing is that you kept your quit. You are so strong!! Good for you. About 12 years ago, a former boyfriend and I quit together cold turkey. Two weeks in, I found a pack of cigs in his kitchen drawer. I sat done and lit one up. I made the choice to do that and smoked for more than a decade after that. Good for you for not following that path. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/6/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 242 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,363 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1742.4 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 22 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48

Janet, Lady's right... he's an addict and addicts lie to protect their addictions. That doesn't make it right, but it is a fact of life. Hopefully, if you stay quit and prove that you can do it, then he will follow suit and quit as well. Have you shown him this website? That might help too. Perhaps it's not for him, but maybe it is. Show him the thread in the main forum called "Social smokers - what we need to know" which says that we can NOT be social smokers. Then......... let it go. Your quit is yours and his is his. You MUST keep them separate. I can only imagine that quitting with your partner and having your partner go back to smoking is one of the toughest situations to deal with... that and having a partner who refuses to quit. But, it's been done. There are MANY people here who's partners went back to smoking after quitting together or refuse to even try and still manage to have healthy relationships despite that. I hope that things work out for you in this situation. I'm sure this is not an easy thing to have to deal with, but I wish you the best! Crave the Quit! Butterfly [IMG]http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c177/kissnflirt/littlebutterfly2.gif[/IMG] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 97 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,435 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $320.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 37

No problem Janet. You can cry, complain, vent and lean on us anytime you need to! This is a very difficult situation and I'm glad to hear that your husband is acknowledging his lie now and you two can work this out together. That's awesome! I'm so glad that things are working out well for you. Just hang in there and hopefully everything will work itself out. Crave the Quit! Butterfly [IMG]http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c177/kissnflirt/littlebutterfly2.gif[/IMG] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 97 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,448 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $320.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23