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Boyfriend is smoking again...


for 18 år siden 0 563 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia, Congratulations on a a great quit! It's unfortunate that your boyfriend has not been as strong or determined as you. Basically you have a few choices.... accept his smoking and realize that he simply is not ready to quit yet... start smoking with him and return to the living hell of addiction (not your best option).... thank him for being your boyfriend but leave him and move on with your life, seeking a non-smoker for a boyfriend.... All of those options suck. But they are all you have. When he made the decision to welcome the nicodemon back into his life, he made a choice, whether he realized it or not, that his smoking was more important to him than his relationship with you. I know I will catch flack for that statement, but it is what I believe. Smoking may be tough to stop, but it's not impossible. He was quit for a period of time.. actually he became a social/closet smoker. Smoking is consuming his life. Your relationship is taking a back seat to his addiction. Is that any way to live? That is like being with an alcoholic and thinking you will change them. And if you believe you can change them, I have some land I want to sell you. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Best wishes and keep your quit no matter what! That is what is so very important in your life, because you have just given yourself the gift of life! [b][color=Purple]Be Strong. Be Smart. Be Quit[/color] [color=black]Joe[/color] [size=3][color=Blue]Knowledge Replaces Fear[/color][/size] [size=2][color=black]Illegitimus non carborundum est[/color][/size][/b] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/15/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 287 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,182 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $703.15 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 50 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 42
  • Quit Meter

    $36,566.40

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 9398 Hours: 0

    Minutes: 18 Seconds: 38

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45708

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    365,664

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 18 år siden 0 33 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi there and thankyou for all the replies... You people are fantastic and not just for quitting smoking but of course for all the excellent support. I feel much calmer now. Thing is, boyfriend said he was a smoker last weekend then changed his mind Monday and "quit" then had "just one" on Friday and then became a smoker again... So I have had to spend 2 weekends coming to terms with this not just one. Well, I think I'm ok now - I know for my own sanity I have to accept that he may choose to smoke forever - and I am coming to terms with that. But I know as long as I can access this website I will hopefully be fine as it makes me feel proud to be a non-smoker... Thanks again, Celia x [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/6/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 235 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,539 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1527.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 58
  • Quit Meter

    $100,557.60

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 4839 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 24 Seconds: 33

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45708

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    182,832

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 18 år siden 0 33 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I quit smoking last year in July, after reading Allen Carr�s book. I found it very emotional but whilst I knew it was causing an enormous upheaval in my life, I didn�t want to become a smoker again. I have not had a single puff since. My boyfriend quit a couple of months after me. Every few weeks he has smoked a cigarette from some-one or bought a pack � there is always an excuse and the assertion that he could control it when I knew I could not. He has also told me that he has smoked behind my back without me knowing. Well now he has decided to officially return to being a smoker. It is driving me mad as he desperately tries to prove he can control his intake, taking his "withdrawal" out on me but denying it exists... The thing is, this whole issue has really affected me badly. Of course I would rather he stops smoking but I have long ago accepted I can�t make him. The second best solution would be for me to be able to see him smoking and know that he is a smoker and not feel so upset about it. I am crying constantly, stressed and depressed and its all I can think of. He is angry at me for being like this. It is very similar to the feelings I had when I first stopped smoking. The only other solution I can think of is for me to start smoking again, and I am seriously considering this. But I think I would always resent him for it if I did. It is so frustrating that he has "changed his mind and decided he wants to be a smoker" rather than admitting that, for once I have succeeded where he has failed. Please help me. Has anyone else been through this situation? Does it get easier? Celia x [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/6/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 234 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,524 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1521 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 25 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27
  • Quit Meter

    $100,557.60

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 4839 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 24 Seconds: 33

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45708

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    182,832

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 18 år siden 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia, you are not your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is not you. You must own your quit and your life. You must let him own his life. What everyone is telling you here is correct, even Joe! :p Remember, you are in control of your addiction and have been for 241 days. You are also in control of your life. Take charge! Do what you know is right. Don't make decisions through your emotions. This smoking issue has become a game to him, where he can blame you if he's feeling bad or if he is failing. Refuse to play! Keep your quit! Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 440 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,335 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1540 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 60 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54
  • Quit Meter

    $57,865.60

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 696 Hours: 7

    Minutes: 8 Seconds: 35

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5564

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    222,560

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 18 år siden 0 763 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
If my hub would decide to return to smoking I don't honestly know what I would do! I do so feel for you.....you mustn't however let HIS error be the end or YOUR quit. I would say he never really quit smoking. You can't be a quitter and smoke one now and then or a pk here and there or even a PUFF here and there. We all pretty well know there is NO bargaining with this addiction. You are feeling betrayed, lied to, left out. You need to realize that the one who SHOULD have these feelings is your bf! Because he is still listening to the junky, he is turning the table on you and letting YOU suffer for his still smoking. You need to stop with "dwelling" on his smoking. What is important here is YOU and YOUR quit. We all know you can't nag or force a person into quitting. It must be a free will choice. Try to stay away from him when he smokes....INSIST on a smoke free space to escape to. Then zone in on yourSELF for a change.....Do you reward yourself for staying quit??? If not get back to that habit. Lastly, someone who fails at quitting is going to love to have company. He is probably struggling with feelings of weakness and failure and if YOU come over to his side, that will sooth him. Realize what is going on here and don't be fooled into thinking that YOU backsliding is the answer....if you smoke, you are going to feel even MORE anger and frustration toward him.....(plus what you will feel toward yourself) Get this turned around to where you are taking care of YOURSELF and quit worrying about what HE is doing. and if he can't abide with that??? well my advice is-there are more fish in the sea. don't let smoking be an option to solving this problem Katy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/4/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1514 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 60,572 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $8327 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 197 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 30 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16
  • Quit Meter

    $159,978.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 5961 Hours: 23

    Minutes: 31 Seconds: 58

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45708

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    914,160

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 18 år siden 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Celia, After 234 days, know that you can do this! No you can't start up again. Stop replaying the moments in your head. He won't quit right now and you know that. You have quit and not slipped and this is fantastic. Protect your quit at all costs and let him know you are still having a hard time. Have him smoke outdoors or perhaps not in the same room as you. I can read the emotions through your post and you are jealous because he gets to smoke and you don't. This is not the case, you choose not to smoke and he chooses to smoke. I think you have made the better choice! Have a good cry and move on, you can do this :) Keep Strong, Josie _____________________ The SSC Support Team.

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