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AlleyAnn,
Make this quit about you and only you. Many members have reported the extra strain on a marriage when one or both members quit.
What is the most important is to practice good communication. If you feel that you are unble to do this at the "time". Walk away from the situation, collect your thoughts and return to the subject with a sound mind.
When you feel flustered or a mood swing coming on, make good use of your coping mechanims. Go for a nice walk or take a hot bath. Anything to soothe your soul. Self talk is also so very handy. :)
Take care and be strong,
Melanie
_____________________
The SSC Support Team
AllyAnn, first off let me say congrats on your quit. Keep it up. I just wanted to post to let you know that your thread has helped me, even though we are in slightly different boats since my husband and I quit together. I too have been short and my husband seems to not have the mood swings I do. If I am mean too him, I feel so awful. The encouraging words in this thread are so helpful and have helped me to not be so hard on myself.
How are you doing?
X-Smoker's Glove Compartment
Todays Date: 5/18/2006
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 5/13/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 5
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 166
Amount Saved: $20
Life Gained:
Days: 0 Hrs: 11 Mins: 12 Seconds: 33
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/13/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 166
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $20
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
Alley,
Have you sat and read and posted on here with your husband? Maybe he could some pretty flowers. Try leaving random "I Love You" post it notes all over the house. My guess would be that he is more upset about the fact that he feels helpless in regards to you and your quit. He probably wants nothing more than to help, but knows there is little he can do. Hang in there and and things will definitely get better!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 95
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $18
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 20
Dear Alley, Dont worry to much about your hubby, If he loves and understands you he will let what you saygo straight over his head.Its hard for anybody who has never had an adiction, but hes one of the lucky ones. If I can be honest with you . I think hes acting a little bit childish, he should be with you 100% in this hellish quest, god knows its hard enough, you dont need the added stress of a grown man behaving like a child, You keep going girl , in the right direction, smoke free. Mikomi.
Hi AlleyAnn.
I had this problem about a month into my quit. Mrs Ed soon sorted this out though with a single blow to the head with a frying pan(!)
Joking apart, I think this may only present a problem if the mood swings carry on too long.
Also, as others have already suggested, the SSC can act as your punchbag, so use us!!
Mr Ed :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/13/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 92
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,776
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �690
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 15 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47
Rusty and Josie
I can't thank you enough. Last night was a rough one. I told hubby that I liked myself better when I was a smoker. That I didn't like who I have become and that Im frustrated with feeling frustrated. I have smoked since I was 12 years old. I have never had to deal with my feelings and I dont like trying to deal with them but I know im going to have to learn. My hubby is trying to understand and I asked him to read about what its like for someone to quit an addiction.
For half of the night we talked, we cried, we said things we didn't mean but today has been a much better day. I told my hubby tonight on the way to bowling that I really needed to vent last night and I didn't mean all the bad things I said and that I was sorry.
He's a good guy and just said "yep we vent and move on". I told him I felt I needed a pity party last night and he said he needs them every now and then also.
So today I vowed to him that I would work on telling him how I felt and what I was feeling so that he knew and would know what I needed. He vowed to be more sensitive to my needs threw my hard days.
I hope this is the start of my new and improved life. I'm so glad when I go threw these times I don't ever think of just smoking. Because I have read so much here that I KNOW it doesn't make anything better or make the problem go away. It just makes everyone feel worse because they gave up there quit.
I guess it just comes down to figuring out who I am and what im made out of without a cigarette in my hand.
SmogFree Shamrock
~Alley~
[url=http://][IMG]http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i197/lorilind/animated_clover.gif[/IMG][/url]
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/30/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 28
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 365
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $110.6
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 32
I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!
So im trying to work on my temper and I swear my hubby is doing everything to push my buttons.
Today after we all get home from work. He's moping around so I ask whats wrong. He replies he's just tired. So I stepped up my mommy duties and was helping my 9 year old with her homework and trying to keep my 19 month old off of her sister ect. ect. and he goes and lays down for a bit.
Then after dinner im cleaning up and he disappears again. So I try to finish doing the dishes and he comes and gets the baby to get her ready for bed (he never does this) but then all I hear is the baby crying upstairs (she never cries cause she loves bath time). So I tell him I will do it since im sure she's wondering why her daddy is trying to give her a bath. I probably should of just let him do it but we are potty training also and he didn't set her on the potty or brush her teeth. Since he never does this he had no idea what to do.
Then he asked if I wanted some fresh baked cookies (the break and bake :) ) I said that would be nice. He sets the timer on the oven and when it goes off again he is nowhere to be found. So I take them out of the oven and they are burnt. I guess he doesn't know how I do that either :mad:
So now im just frustrated and he feels like he can't do anything right. Just when I try to make things better they just seem to get worse!!
Im just so frustrated!!!
Alley
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/30/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 26
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 350
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $102.7
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
Thanks, Lady, Cobenfan, Rusty and Melanie
As the day went on I tried to control myself. Im not even a person who yells but hubby says I don't have to. My tone says it all. We didn't talk much today but he did call a babysitter and we took some time and went out to see a movie.
I am trying to find the words to say and how to say them so I can try to get him to understand that its not him that is making me snap like I do. I believe he knows this but I want to be sure.
I can't thank you all enough for all your great advice. Even yours Lady. :) I just hope I can find the new me soon and be that happy bubbly person I use to be.
Alley
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/30/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 25
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 326
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $98.75
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49
So I am almost a month into my quit. Over all its been pretty easy except for my mood swings. I know this is normal and I am aware that I'm very short at times but I think my hubby is at his wits end.
Its starting to affect our communication and over all happiness. I am so short with him at times I feel like he has started to just not say nothing at all so I won't yell or be short with him.
Its gotten very quiet in our house the last few days cause he's not talking so I won't yell and im not talking cause I fell ticked off all the time. We are 2 people in the same house acting as we are in separate homes doing our own thing.
I need help and ideas on how to deal with this. I have talked to him before and apologized for me being short and I know he knows it won't last forever and that is something we need to go threw to get to the next step but he has never had an addiction and has NO CLUE what its like for me each and every day.
Alley
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/30/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 24
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 319
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $94.8
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43
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