Your comment about needing to rebuild your old friendships caught my eye.  I've had the same guilt.  But mabey we need to open ourselves to new friends that match our current life outlook?  I'm not sure.  My old friends know me from childhood and teenage years.  I think the reason they feel so close to our hearts is because we were more emotionally open when we bonded back then.  When we try to bond as adults, it seems lots of stuff gets in our way.  Fear of judgement being my biggest one I think.  Fear of betrayal.  Not easy for anyone.  Please know that I hear you. 

Welcome OlsonK, Ashley, Health Educator

Where do I start. Reading session 1 I realized and confirmed one of my greatest fears. The trauma I’ve pushed down from childhood effects my realities of coping today. I had figured how to fake my way through various scenarios until now. The recent departure of my bipolar daughter (almost 19) from our home has spiraled me into an unfamiliar and scary situation. Her refusal to take care of herself and not being able to monitor it, has gripped me with unthinkable fear. Besides the fact that I’m recently remarried, after being with an abusive partner for 13 years(not my daughters dad). Her moving out happened shortly after our honeymoon and I’ve been completely consumed with the scenario. Hence why I’m here. I’m tired of being tired. I need the learn to properly cope, release, and process my new role as parent. I need to be functional in my job, I need to be a wife and step mom. I need to rebuild the friendships I’ve dismantled over many years by avoidance and hiding. This however is step one, admitting that I need help and actively gaining it.