I am so sorry to hear about your loses. I cannot imagine the grief you must be experiencing right now. After losing three people you are close to it is completely understandable you would be experiencing extreme grief. Please take good care of yourself by taking care of your body and mind. Talk to loved ones, journal, seek counselling, practise mindfulness etc. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that are coming up and be compassionate with yourself. It is ok to not be ok right now.

The alcohol will make the grief worse and will likely make the medication less effective so any reduction or complete abstinence will have a positive impact on how you are feeling. It is common for many people to turn to alcohol as an escape but as you have mentioned it normally makes things worse. What other coping strategies can you use to replace alcohol?

I have 20 years experience managing anxiety and panic dissorder.  I've used medication seasonly to help me with my difficulties.  My panic started when I was 20, out of the blue.  I was so confused about what was going on.  Fortunately I sought counselling help that essentially got my life back with medication.  But in the past 6 months, I have lost my Granny, a friend (suicide), and my step-father.  I am taking my usual medication, but I am sad beyond that.  I have "supplemented" my medication with alcohol; which has destroyed my self esteem.