"...their problems and not yours..." - Exactly Heather. That is a great mindset to have. Despite the stress all this has caused you it sounds like you are still able to take on a very healthy perspective. It also sounds like your manager was trying to be helpful and supportive but might have been a tad insensitive in her approach. In any case, try not to take what she said as a personal deficit. It takes a lot of skill and experience to deal with difficult people at work; no one is born with these skills. The skills and experience may buffer the effect of difficult people but no one is immune to the stress they cause. You are only human and I think you handled the situation very well.  What do you want to remember about this experience in a few years from now? What did you gain from going through this?

 

 

Hi Guys

 

Thank you for the support.  I felt very uncomfortable dealing with this person.  My manager told me that they don't have any formal complaint procedures but that this person would be dealt with and that this shouldn't happen again.  This was a relief.  However, they then went on to ask if I was happy in the job and talked about dealing with confrontations in the workplace.  It was almost suggested that if I ever wanted to progress into management I couldn't be so effected by this behaviour.  My manager went on to tell me how to deal with these kinds of situations (my manager is really nice) but I felt like I took all these steps and somehow I am being judged because I got upset by it.

 

To answer your other questions there are one or two other members of staff who have issues with this person I believe.  He is quite arrogant and strong minded and will try and catch you in a debate if he can.  I know he has upset other colleagues before, one in particular who is his friend.  I think it might be because he is insecure as he isn't as experience in the job as I am.

 

I am going to try and let it go and move on.  Trying to remember that issues that arise at work are often other peoples problems and not mine.

 

Thanks for the support 

Hi Heather86,

Good for you for reporting intimadating behaviour in the workplace. It takes courage to report. No one should ever feel bullied at work.

In terms of tips there are many things you can do to avoid getting sucked into someone else's toxicity. For one, remember that their behabiour is their problem not yours. No one can take away your power and make you feel a certain way. Learn and practice assertive communication. You always have a choice in how you react. Also, use mindfulness, relaxation techniques, talking to others and any thing else you do for self care. Focus on yourself and those who love you and forget the rest. 

 

It has been a few days since you posted last. How is work now?

 

I spent all of last year out of work so I was really happy when I found a new job that was perfect for me.  I have had several ups and downs in the last 6  months in my personal life which has meant that I am suffering once again.  Hence why I have started the program.

So far the job has been great. They are very supportive and I am doing well.  However there is one member of staff who is very unprofessional and has confronted me on a couple of occasions in quite an intimidating way.  Today was the next.  I have reported it to my manager, but I wondered if anyone has any ideas about how to prevent myself from getting so upset with confrontational situations?

Thank you