Hi Jacques. Like yourself and ~m, I also feel overwhelmed with festivities, lists of things to do, etc. I get so overwhelmed that I end up being paralysed to do anything at all. Or (worse), I drink so that I don't feel that anymore. It helps me for the couple of hours I drink, and then the list gets longer because I haven't done anything on the list but time is still moving, which means that the list will get new things. And then it becomes unmanageable......what a cycle!
I mentioned I drink to avoid the disturbing feelings - I don't feel them anymore and I feel like a different person. Is it possible that the lack of feelings you feel is your brain's own way of numbing yourself? It makes sense that your body would do that to protect yourself. But I guess for us both things have gone a bit too far. Perhaps we're all exhausted from trying to numb ourselves.
Sometimes I like to say 'Stop the world, I want to get off'. Not suicidal, but I just want things to stop moving for a while til I get my energy back, and then I can get back on the bus, so to speak.
Everyone in this forum is very sincere and empathetic and, like ~m says, we totally understand if all you can do is type a word. Just stay with us for a while. In my darkest times, a goal for me would be 'turn on the computer', I didn't even do anything or type anything, I wasn't ready for that.
Hope to see another post from you soon.
Ocean