I think you have lots of insight and are going to work through this. Facing feelings can be difficult and tiring. I wonder if being numb is that much better?
Hi Ashley,
Thanks for getting back to me. Would it be helpfull to dig a bit deeper regarding how I feel? Yes. Can I? I don't know... I'm not really tired of hiding my feelings behind a facade, I kind of like my facade; it's comfortable. I'm starting to realize that my coping machnisms including the facade are failing. I come from a culture where people tell you how you should feel. They are quite persistent in forcing their opinion about how you should feel upon you. By having a facade, I used to be able to work through my feelings in my speed on my terms. I used to be able to work through depressions, but now I am no longer able to really cope with it anymore...
Currently I feel mainly tired.... in 4 weeks I have had only 1 night of good quality sleep. I don't feel like doing anything; everything seems to be going down the drain anyway. Even little things I'm normally very good at, take me hours and hours to complete... and even then they don't even come close to my quality standards. If that happens, I'm almost desperate. I start to second guess everything I have done up to now... at the same time I want to forget everything I have done and encountered up to now. I try to feel as numb as possible...
