great question wildcat

 

sometimes I think well this never worked before but why did it never work before?  Maybe it will work in the future...

 

Also, I feel like it is harder to meet people too now that I am out of school.  I know I isolate myself but I dont know how to get over it and jsut go meet people.  I have trouble putting myself out there........

Hi,

You mentioned that talking therapy was not successful in the past. And in the present?

 

I am one where it is very successful because I am very introsecptive and think about how and why I have a thought ( and I am OCD). So the moments I have with my psychologist are amazing. She has a wide training so she gives me a lot of the psycho-bable behind what she wants me to work on and I am up-up-and-away... But this is after two years with her.  I have worked with her and explained I like the theory and the whole make-up of the exercises as I embark in them to be able to apply myself 100%. 

 

I have a question ... You describe yourself as 20-something and yet say that it is getting more difficult to connect to people.  I found it easier to find people as I got older since I was no longer in the crazy family atmosphere... I was at school, work, activities. I was in my own appartment. I was living my own life.   Are your anxieties becoming such a problem and you are isolating yourself? 

 

@+

Hi sc2501,

 

Know that you are not alone, we are here and will support you along the way. The Depression Program is a phenomenal way to learn the underlying causes of depression and has sections on a variety of useful topics. The more you work through the session and the more homework you do the better you will feel.

 

Post often, and ask lots of questions.

Well, for one, just responses; I am on one other mood disorder board and I generally don't get a lot of feedback. I'm not sure if it's because my posts are long or over-articulate or incomprehensible or people just don't know what to say. A lot of times I feel I'm on the end of my rope and have tried everything; maybe they see that, too.

 

What helps me is social connections--I need them in "real life," but I am growing older and it's harder and harder to find people who will really be there for you. 

Welcome sc2501,

 

It sounds like you have been through a lot.  Although there is a lot of information in your post I also heard a lot of emotion , almost too many to list.  Know that there is hope and you are not in this alone, we are here to listen and to help you through this time.  This program will also help and I encourage you to stick with it.  Check out the Grief and Loss auxillary session as there may be some helpful advice there on dealing with the break up. 

 

You mention that you came here to find support.  How would you like the members and Health Educators here to support you.  What works for you and what doesn't?

 

 

 

 

I'm not sure if these are supposed to be long, but here goes...

 

I am 20-something female living in New York City working as a counselor/housing specialist at a non-profit organization. It's a very high-stress job. I've been living in the city for 5 years and doing (part-time, mostly, as I was in college) social services work since age 17.

I have been in therapy since around age 15, when I started developing signs of mild-moderate major depressive disorder and symptoms of disassociation, which have continued, weirdly, to the present. At this time, my drug-addicted father had left our family for a younger woman, was heavily using, and things were generally in huge upheaval.

At age 18, I developed full-blown intense GAD and major/moderate MDD. I was placed on Paxil, then Zoloft, with a lot of Xanax or other benzos to keep me functional and in college. I tried multiple therapists, even sticking with one for a year and another for several months, but never found talk therapy very helpful with these individuals. Since then, I have had "ups and downs" that I struggle with constantly. I also have all the weird little health problems that people like us tend to have--extreme muscle spasms, colitis, polycystic ovaries, and, of course, chronic, severe migraine, which run in my family.

I like to think of myself as a happy person in reality. I love a lot of people, I love my work, although it taxes the hell out of me, I love my dog and all dogs, I love yoga, I love relaxing, I love nature. However, the depression and anxiety often strip my "joyful self" leaving only that skeletal creature you all probably recognize within yourselves.

The past two/three months I began to suffer severe physical anxiety constantly--a non-focused, physical, heart palpitating, shaking anxiety--and started taking Xanax XR to manage at work. In the past I have gone up on Lexapro from 20 - 30 in times like that, but the sexual side-effects are too much to take, and it wasn't going to be enough to cut it.

In the past 2-3 weeks, I had a severe recurrence of MDD that nearly left me hospitalized. If it weren't for my seriously devoted pdoc, Abilify, and a supportive family I would have ended up in a psych ward. That scares me. I'm convinced the suicidal ideation was caused by Keppra, a drug my neurologist added for migraine prophylaxis.

I am also having serious trouble keeping my weight up due to my psych problems making me nauseous and leading to a recurrence of smoking. Bad, bad girl. I'm 5'5" and 108 lbs, but I have a small frame. I'd like to stay around 110-112. I'm drinking protein shakes but I have no appetite.

I decided to seek support online because I'm really feeling a lack of support from people in general, particularly those who can empathize. Al-Anon and ACOA meetings too frequently are triggering