Hi everyone,
This will be a long message so you might want to grab a tasty beverage. I hope you enjoy my story.
I was diagnosed with Major Depression and Anxiety in late September. Up until this point I had been in a significant and downward spiral. I had become consumed with darkness, negativity, and virtually every symptom of depression. It was awful and I had no idea what was happening to me.
My best friend saved my life and saved me from myself. She and my mother convinced me to get help. I had been planning to drop out of society, buy a van, and never work again. It was a very very dark time.
I took a leave from my job on September 26 and I didn't return until last week. Leaving my job was the best decision for me because I had significant concentration and memory impairment and I believe I was working towards losing my job due to poor performance as a result of my depression. The process of acquiring my short term disability benefits was fairly straightforward and I was approved with little fuss. This, however, quickly changed at the 90 day mark and my benefits were terminated without notice. I've had no success in getting them back, even with the significant support of my psychiatrist. The removal of my benefits caused a great deal of stress and although my health had improved, this stress caused a complete return of my depressive symptoms. It took me an additional month to recover from this.
I've used medication (Pristiq), meditation, and yoga to treat my depression. Yoga and meditation changed me from a devout atheist to a very spiritual person. Pristiq gave me balance and showed me what it was like to be free of anxiety, something I'd never known before. I can't believe I felt anxious for most of my life and had no idea.
On the personal side, my selfish and inconsiderate behaviour has cost me two very important relationships and I'm not sure I can ever get them back. I've learned some powerful lessons and I believe I can be more considerate and much less selfish. These are my current goals. It's heartbreaking to have lost so much but it's uplifting to know that I have a fresh perspective and a fresh start.
Depression has changed my life and I think for the better. I believe my body gave me this depression so that I could slow down, re-evaluate my priorities, and become the better person I need to be.
If anyone has any questions about my experience I'm happy to share.
A.