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Hello to all, looking for something.................So it goes

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Hello to all, looking for something.................So it goes

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 5

First of all, let me just say that the cliches are tired and over used but hey, if it helps 1oldman, great.

I have more than ideations, I am always coming up with a new plan of attack. I can relate to you though.

I'm not the greatest one to fill a space up with the load of crap that it will get better but really, the only way to go when you're at the bottom is either up or dead. Doesn't sound like you want to be dead so I'll raise my glass to you and hope for "up."

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Welcome to the forums!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2

Ohhhh 1oldman...I hear everything you say.

I'm 53 and I too have realized that a lot of this has been going on for years. It started to really fester about 20 years ago...got married...moved west...bad marriage...mother in Ontario got sick...marriage cratered...mother died...marriage over soon after. That was the start, but by going through this website, I realize that a LOT happened well before that 3 year episode.

I have no children (sometimes I thank God for that and other times I curse), so that means I have only myself to care for or blame(!?). I still have a nice place to live and my friends are loyal, regardless of my lack of communication so I too feel a tremendous guilt for having things better than others. BUT...as a friend told me a long time ago, your pain is your own and it can't be compared to any other person's. It's hard to believe sometimes, but I get it now. We ALL have our own problems and we can't trade.

I know what you mean on the "idea" of suicide. I think of it often, but I won't ever do it...I couldn't bear to leave my sister and her family that way.

I must say I have to laugh at the Bonnie Raitt lyric...'cause I think that ALLLLLLL the time!...and like you I too wonder if this is as good as it will ever get. I usually rein myself in at that point and try to see past this. I'm thinking that you're like me...you used to enjoy life and probably want to again...it just seems like such an impossibility right now.

Keep with this program and talking online. I'm new here, but I already feel a bit of a lift, knowing that there are people out there who understand and are willing to help.

It CAN get better than this, 1oldman...lets get through this!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 271

Hi 1oldman, we are not old, we just fell that way because of our problems. If you think about it, people who aren't depressed seem to have more energy, more vitality, more youth. My great-grandmother (granny) was never so old as the last 2 years of her life, when she became very ill and depressed, before then she would walk, shop, play and enjoy all life had to offer her, until her 97th birthday. I don't know where the energy came from, (probably from civil wars in Russia/Ukraine/being ousted from her home at a young age and learning how to adapt to loss and upheaval at a very young age) but that little lady (I say little because she was barely 5 feet tall if that) So until you make it to 100 your not old. One of her favourite things to do was to try new things, she even tried the kids video games and enjoyed watching wrestling on TV. Granny enjoyed the Rock, with his big tanned muscles. She was of an age that it didn't matter what she said, or who she said it to, she had earned the right to voice her opinion and no-one talked back.

Crazy as this may sound, sometimes, I just get silly with my kids (teenagers), it annoys the heck out of them but I feel better for having just done something completely silly and out of character. I am a neat freak and have recently been saying to the kids when a mess is made, leave it till later, or it's ok it's only dirt. Completely out of character for me. But try something silly like waiving at a complete stranger as you drive by (we have done this for many years) at first it felt awkward, but when you get a smile and a waive back, wow, that can make your whole day. Or you can try something like squishing your toes in the mud (I have heard lots of people like that but I haven't worked up the courage to go outside without proper shoes and socks on). Think of something silly and let us know how it goes.

I try to keep in mind that things can't get much worse than they have been, so is this as good as it gets, I don't think so, we just have to keep looking.

Take care 1oldman and keep looking.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 224

Hello 1oldman and welcome to our site!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. As you can already see from Goofy's welcome you have come to the right place to find the support you need from others going through similar experiences as you are. Please feel free to drop by any time to share with us how you are doing, to vent or to just ask questions you may be having. Also, have you had a chance to look through the program? It contains some useful information that may help you understand and cope with what you are experiencing.

Come back often and let us know how you are doing!

Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Geez 1oldman, if you are old, then I'm at your heels. I don't like to think of myself as old. We are just wise. I like Bonnie Raitt, will go listen to the song. Life is hard to live and depression can exacerbate that. I do know that it gets better. Lots of things to do to improve and get better and enjoy life again. I am like you in that I got my son through college and almost lawschool before the CRASH! I'm climbing back. I put alot of effort into "not being depressed". Wish I could say it works consistently; but it beats the crash. I, too, recently lost my parents. One in 2006, the other in 2008. I was very close to both of them and they were there for me through the CRASH. We have to have courage. I know I just typed about good books that I've read. One I got when mom died was called Good Grief. I was like what.....no such thing as good grief. But it is a good little book. It is spiritually based. So it may not be for you. If it is, try it. Also, I found useful the session on here on grief.

Off that subject. We ain't old. Depression sometimes makes us feel old. Hang in there, work the sessions, find things that you enjoy, make yourself accept invitations or sometimes I just go out to eat by myself. I do lots of things (try to everyday but after you read the list you'll understand why it doesn't happen everyday). I come here and post and work on sessions, medititate, exercise, tai chi, journaling, work part-time, taking up old hobbies. I can't remember stuff very good with the depression but I just posted the list in alternative medicine in mod's corner. Pick a few; try 'em.

Life is worth living. Another thing - check out my inspirational video - it's under my profile pic. I'm goofy! lol

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2

Hello,

I will soon be 52 years old. Over the past 10-12 years I have come to realize that I have been depressed off & on from a very young age. I feel guilty because I know that there are a lot of people in the world that are much worse off than me but they have managed to pull through where I have failed. I knew several years ago that I was in trouble, that I was getting close to hitting "rock bottom." I tried to seek help and was diagnosed with dysthymia (probably a good description of my life up to then) but things only progressed. I managed to get my 2 kids through school before the crash. It was a hard crash, major depressive episode, panic attacks and major anxiety. Started the med roller coaster and tried everything both on and off label finally settling in where I am now. In the last 6-8 months meds don't seem to be cutting it. My Mother passed away last February, maybe a correlation there. I'm not up for another roller coaster ride! I am not and have not every been suicidal; just ideation. Don't want to die really "but living is just a hard thing to do" (to brorrow from Bonnie Raitt). I frequently wonder if this is as good as it gets.

Well, that's my story sparring the minutia.

PS borrowed "So it goes" from Kurt Vonnegut. Credit were credit is due!

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Hello to all, looking for something.................So it goes