I just thought I would introduce myself. First off, I am not big on "group stuff". I prefer more one on one things. Internet seems to be ok, but then I get to thinking of how many people may read this stuff and then I get concerned. I am depressed and have been for most of my life. I was a cutter, drinker, smoker, toker and sexually active in junior high. I have three kids, have been with my husband for 21 years. I don't drink, do drugs, smoke, have indiscrimate sex or cut myself anymore (everything except for the smoking has been over for many years). I quit smoking 6 months ago. I don't want anyone saying good for you or belittling my efforts. It is not something I chose to do for my health or any noble reasons, I did it because I had a choice, pay bills or smoke. I think I needed power more than I needed the next pack of smokes.
I finally worked up the courage to go to my doctor about 3 weeks ago. I didn't have the guts to tell her about the problems, but I wrote down a brief summation of things. She said I was depressed (I figured that out for myself), she put me on Celexa, she advised me to get my husband to do more (good luck there), she told me to stop fighting to get my husband's medical needs taken care of, "he should do it himself", I agree, but if we waited for that to happen it wouldn't get done, as the hospital has lost his medical chart and if someone isn't on top of them, at all times, all will have been for naught (major issues).
I have a few other health problems (high blood pressure, high cholesterol and congenital heart defects (all caused by my family history)) and have been attempting to adjust my diet accordingly, I have researched one of my problems and it is recognized as Selective Eating Disorder in the UK. I also advised my doctor of this, and her response was basically, stop being so picky and eat what you are told to. Good thing, not healthy if it can't stay down now is it?
Due to alot of the programs/appointments my husband is in, I am forced to attend group sessions, doctors appointments, medical/professional appointments. I am occassionally included in the discussions, and when I am honest with these people with such high educations, they put me and my husband down and basically make me feel worthless, not good enough to be in the same room as them, to get a better job and do everything they tell me to do. Like it or lump it and who cares about you. (I don't know of any new jobs that would allow me to miss anywhere from 1/2 day a month to several days a month for various medical appointments, without firing me).
All of my life, I have been the one that everyone goes to when they have problems. I finally cannot deal with my problems on my own and now it seems that no-one is there for me. I have attempted on numerous occassions to discuss my problems and no-one has the time, they are never around, or they have to switch it so they are talking about themselves and their issues. For example, my dad and his divorce and health issues, my best friend and her ex husbands, her kids, her health issues, my mom and her financial issues, health issues, husband's health issues, my sister and her husband's issues, her kids problems, her health issues. Not once has anyone ever just listened to what I have to say about my problems and my issues. Like I said my entire life has been there to listen to everyone else and help them and never ask for anything in return until now. I feel terrible for thinking so selfishly and then I feel angry because everyone else is being selfish.
I would prefer to find a medical professional who is willing to work with me
