Hang in there Sheba, the members have posted some great advice for you here. Stay strong

 

Hi Sheba,

 

I'm glad you are going out.  Perhaps you could remind your parents that not wanting to work until 8pm does not equal hating them - it equals that you do not want to work until 8 pm.  The fact that you want to see your friend also does not equal hating them - it equals wanting to have a life. 

 

Being manipulated and controlled does not equal love.  You are entitled to happiness and a life, I'm sorry you must fight this hard to get it.  Keep standing your ground, at some point, like it or not, your parents will have to come to terms with your adulthood and your decisions.  Hang in there!

Wow sounds like it is a situation heavy on the guilt trips!

 

I am glad you are going out tonight though. Stick to your guns and make sure you go out. You deserve it!

Hi Sheba,

 

I just found this thread and REALLY feel for you!!!  Mom is really putting the pressure on you and it makes me think that Wildcat's point (another thread) is a real possibility.  Your Mom is so afraid of losing you that she's clinging to and smothering you.  She can't understand that she's actually pushing you away.  This is where the guilt trips, using your father's health etc. comes in.  Wildcat is really insightful.

 

I'm unsure how old your parents are but Mom really sounds like she relies on you for friendship/security/help.  Is your father's health an issue for her?  Is she afraid that something will happen to him and wants to make sure she has you if it does? Does she have her own friends to spend time with? Mom could use some therapy, however, you are probably not in a position to suggest this to her. Perhaps identifying what you are responsible for in your relationship with your Mom (respecting her, visiting and spending some quality time with her)and what you are not responsible for (being her best friend, responsible for her or your father's health, taking time away from working on your studies to debate issues that could very well be discussed at a more appropriate time) would be helpful to allowing you to get a better handle on your relationship- what to deal with and what to let go. 

 

I hope your papers are going well, but if not, you may need to distance yourself in order to get them finished.  I doubt this issue will complicate that much if you do.  Please let us know how you're doing.  I feel bad that you have so much to deal with.  I wish your Mom would allow you to fly instead of always trying to clip your wings.  You're such an intelligent girl and she's missing out on seeing what you're capable of.  Hang in there Sheba!

Hello Sheba,

 

Sorry to hear things are not going well for you. Parents who don't understand can be very difficult to deal with. I am happy for you that you set your limits for yourself. Please let me know how it goes.

She does not and she just being an ostrich.

Anyway Ive just told them that I cannot work in these conditions. And that I have the deadlines. I will see if they understood or not. The true is that everything is worsening. They are simply driving me crazy.

Does your mother understand just how much peace and quiet you really need to complete your Phd?  Is she aware of the amount of emotional pressure she's dumping on you?

 

P

I believe not..... She has lost her interest and only concentrate on my father. He had a hart attack 20 years ago and she feels responsable for his health and even sometimes blames me if he doesn't feel very well.... every time I try to get with her anywere she starts talking or about work or about what should I do in my life so my father is not disappointed with me. I think that she needs a psy much more than I do....

But she is scared even of me trying to take care of myself.