JenJen,
You say you have doubts about the bipolar diagnosis. Any particular reason?
If it is any consolation, it took awhile before my doctors figured out that the bipolar medication was not enough, and had to be supplemented with a more specific treatment for depression and anxiety as well.
I can definitely relate to the contrast you see between the good life around you and the deep struggle inside. When we try to rationalize our depression, it just doesn't make logical sense. We think we have every reason to be happy but can't square that observation with how we feel.
One reason I'm drawn to programs like this is that CBT and other pro-active therapies help me work on my thinking processes, in hopes of bringing them out into the open so I can literally see what and how I'm thinking (through journaling, for example, or even posting responses and questions in these forums). For me, the challenge of depression has always been a matter of control--mostly battling the sense of helplessness--and trying to will my way out of it. Conventional wisdom says we can't will our way out of it, but I do think, perhaps in conjunction with medication and ongoing expert care, we can gain some semblance of control. At least I have to believe we can.
I wish you the best and hope you find these forums useful.