Welcome Paris,
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time right now. I hope you'll stick with the program, I'm sure you'll find lots of support and info here that will help.
I had a thought the other day. I asked myself, what would I say to someone else who was suffering from depression. I would comfort them, hug them, tell them that I accepted them even for their faults. That they are a good person who just needs some treatment and support and that they shouldn't be so hard on themselves.
Then I thought, so why don't I do that for myself?? So for the last few days when I feel really crappy I try to talk to myself in my head as if I were someone else. I talk to myself with kindness and reassurance. Sounds weird, but it helps.
Keep posting, we're all here to listen.
lovelybones