Hi there,
i REALLY can relate to the feelings you describe!
Like the person above said, get some help. Start with your GP [ err in australia that is the first doctor to see "family doctor"]
The bad news:- it MAY take time to sort out the exact help you need, (it MAY not also) Get the process started. Your exact treatment will need to be individually adjusted to fit you. it is a bit trial and error - it MAY take time, but little relief is a jolly good thing. a perfect fit of medications/other treatments usually takes longer..and is also a damn good thing.
You are NOT alone, There IS help available. None of us can do "this" alone.
-------if you are planning to hurt or kill yourself call the crisis lines FIRST
There should be some numbers inside the front of your phone book.
- just talk to them for a bit..you don't HAVE to tell them anything, you can ASK them questions for a bit if you want. that helped me in bad times, just ask them questions like - can they suggest things to do INSTEAD .
- write or scribble how you are feeling - then burn it if you want - i don't know why that was such a comfort to me.
wishing comfort to you.
rosethorn