Hi, I just signed up for this program. I wasn't going to post at first but after reading the introductions I found everyone to seem so kind and open. It's a big step for me to realize that maybe it's a good thing to reach out to people, and that group support might be a positive thing. I think the hardest hurdles for me are accepting that i have depression and the stigmas i perceive to be attached to it. So I'm hoping for good things to come of this.
I'm a 29 year old lady in New York City. I think I've probably had depression since my teens but have only started seeing a therapist for about 6 months (attempted to see others in the past but never went past a couple of visits). My interest in talk therapy is waning. I tried Celexa, and when it kicked in I suddenly realized I felt good and was thrilled that I could begin to manage my emotions. Then after awhile the sexual side effects started making me feel bad, in that this huge part of my relationship was now missing. So I have been on Wellbutrin for a couple of weeks and am getting increasingly frustrated because I feel so so sad and angry all the time again. Rather than sit around and wait for the drugs to kick in, and wait for another hot-air chat session to roll around, I wanted to take matters into my own hands, and came across this site.
My biggest fear is relying on medication for the rest of my life to feel functional. And to some extent I think therapy is a scam because of the way it's drawn out over time, and I really dislike the way blame is placed on certain life events or situations. Is that wrong? I just hate that I have to feel this way, especially because I have a pretty nice life, and I can't see any reason to feel this level of sadness and loneliness and worthlessness. I'm so tired of coming home and crying to my boyfriend that I feel like a worthless piece of sh*t, and I'm tired of making him walk on eggshells. I'm tired of feeling so angry and upset that I shake and scream while walking down the street, and I'm tired of trying not to cry at work.
I'm optimistic that this structure and the way it will force me to monitor myself will be effective. Just realizing that I have depression has become this huge burden and I feel like it's not fair that I'm suffering in this way. I should