Hi all.
The basics. Born in New Zealand. Grew up in Ohio. Now live in SoCal. Im 56, never married, no children or other pets. Have worked with computers since 1982 (the big ones). Lately have worked with pcs servers, & internet stuff. Once a geek, always a geek. Or is that a geek-ess?
I can write this OK because right now things are going well. Most stable & even Ive felt in a long time. perhaps more like the me I used to be. Im not really sure. It was a long time ago.
But, Im being cautiously optimistic. I have been on this road to recovery a few times & have fallen some very big potholes. But I managed to climb out, go back to the beginning, and work on finding the road one more time.
OK, why Im here. I WILL write too much, and this WILL be too long. Sorry.
Been depressed off & on since high school . . . over 36-37 years of my life. Each time a higher stress level attacking my brain. Each time I sank lower and lower. Finished high school & college & started graduate school, but could not stay well long enough to finish my masters thesis.
More years of up & down: Sometimes barely hanging on, sometimes OK, sometimes having a great time. Taught at the local college while taking computer training courses. Later moved from Ohio to SoCal & started my first job in computers. Still the ups & downs, but I was coping enough, but only by crying, writing, smoking, and a lot of drinking. Each time managed to come out the on the other side OK.
Then the fun really started - -
July 2003. general doc put me on Zoloft, 100 mg, then 200mg. Seemed OK for a while, but then started slip sliding away.
Nov - Dec 2004. Serious problems at work -- crying, yelling, crying, throwing things around cubicle & computer labs, crying a LOT. My job required attention to detail & the ability to concentrate for hours on end. This was always my strength, but now my brain was starting to fail me!
Feb 2005. Still slip sliding. Received my first verbal warning about my job performance & behavior; I was told to improve or be fired. I had I totally lost control of the situation. I just didnt know it.
May 2005. Received second warning about behavior & job performance. Told to see tdoc or be fired. Tdoc referred me