Confused,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. For one thing you need to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. It hasn't even been a year yet, and I'm sure you loved her. It takes time to get over that. I've only been married for 16 years and couldn't imagine living without my husband. My father died last February, and he and my mother had been married for 62 years. We are still helping her deal with her grief. If I may ask, why don't you think you should go to counceling? I personally think it would be a wonderful help to you. Also, even though I haven't been through this personally, after dealing with my mom and her councelors I know they are still saying that what she if feeling and going through is normal.
I'm sorry if this is long, but I hope I've helped at least a little.
Welcome to the site, you'll truly benefit if you take advantage of all it has to offer. Hope to hear from you soon.
Kelly