Hi Davey,
I really feel for you, buddy. Your story sounds a lot like my early years. (I am 43 now and am actually going through a moderate depression right now) anyway, I had my first severe depression when I was 16, then almost annually until I finally got diagnosed and on meds at 27. I was an alcoholic from the time I tasted it as a teen and eventually quit at 30. What I really wanted to tell you about, though, is that there IS HOPE for social phobia/ performance anxiety. Social anxiety was the reason I quit college. and quit after a second attempt although it was a long coming, I finally went back at 32 years old, conquered the social anxiety thing with buspar and some very diligent cognitive and other type therapies. I was only on buspar for maybe 9 months while I got good at the psychotherapy practices. I actually was able to feel comfoortable in class discussions whereas I once felt as if I would have to be carried out of the room on a stretcher if I had to speak. I ended up getting a B.A. in psychology. I just wanted you to know that things CAN change for the better. A person has to find the right tools and even then it may not be easy. I am in your corner, Davey God bless you