Hello, Jasmine. I've only been on the site for about a week, but already I think it has helped. And although you worry about airing your problems, one of the things I find helpful is that I can see that all those issues and problems I've struggled with for so many years are not uncommon. You suggest that you feel shame for being depressed, or feel selfish, and that you know you suffered from depression long before your formal diagnosis. When I read this, all I can do is nod. Knowing that someone else has experienced guilt and felt selfish helps alleviate those very feelings.
I've just started the program and I am fortunate enough to have access to good healthcare and medication, but keeping my activities and mood charts and just learning about depression has already helped me.
Keep us up-to-date, and hang in there.
Caiman