Hi Iqon: I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and sorry to hear you've started having panic attacks because I know just how scary those can be to go through. You've done the right thing in joining a group discussion because honestly, having gone through it myself, no one except those who have experienced them before can truly understand what you are going through. I had bad panic attacks for 3 years - result of an unhappy and abusive marriage. Like you I thought I was dying and it wasn't until I found some tapes and a few internet anxiety sites that I was able to final get a handle on it. I'm over the panic attacks now - still struggling with the depression, but you CAN get over the attacks. As far as controlling it, my main motivating factor was that I was afraid of becoming Agorophobic....so I forced myself to continue to do the things that scared me. I was so convinced I was going to have an attack and die that I hated ever having to leave home - long drives out of town in rural areas with no hospital, travel by air, travel to anywhere my cell phone lost service were my biggest fears. Even at work - being "trapped" in a meeting with other people and fearing having an attack and being embarrassed..it touches so many areas of your life. I don't know if your attacks have gotten this bad, but I'm here to tell you that you can and will get over them. As far as the emotional pain you're going through, I can't tell you about that since I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself. The best of luck to you friend.