Hi, I'm 26 and have suffered from major depression for about 13 years. Along the way, I had also been diagnosed with Gen Anx Do, Panic DO, Agoraphobia, OCD, ADHD, Borderline Personality DO, and more recently Bipolar DO. I have taken Prozac, Luvox, Zoloft, Celexa, Serzone, Buspar, Seroquel, Xanax, and currently take Lithium, Lamactal, Welbutrin, Klonopin, and Ambien. I do try as hard I can to push on, though most times it seems like a winless battle. My moods fluctuate drastically from barely miserable to catatonia. I feel completely depersonalized as if I exist outside of my body. I am unable to experience any hedonic affect (pleasureable emotions) and live my life in a seemingly Autistic-like isolated manner. All the while, I have been studying psychology for 7 years and am near completion of my masters degree. I want to continue either Ph.D or M.D., but I am fearful. Everyday that goes by, I feel further and further away from the "me" that I can bearly remember. I fear that my reality testing is slowly slipping away. After much research, I have come to the conclusion that having a confidently solid sense of self prevents insecurity, misattribition, and excessive anxiety. Think about it, if we were confident in our view of ourselves (our personal identity), there would be no feul to fire anxiety which leads to depression. I don't think that this poor sense of self is our fault, nor is it permanent. Seeing depression for what it truely is should allow us to more effectively address it. Easier said than done, right? For me, I beleive that my biology has left me susceptible to internalizing negative environmental occurances. And I have had many; attachment and adjustment diturbances, family member loss, physical/verbal abuse, poor peer interactions, and far too many loose ends. Never give up the fight!
