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Struggling today

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

if u have the money to go all the time! haha. plus i have a teenage son who feels that its not the coolest anymore. thats life i suppose :O)

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 7

Hooray for Florida! Hurricanes and all. I'm not a native floridian but I have enjoyed my stay thusfar. I moved to Florida in december and it's been fun. I live in the Ft. Myers area...I'm jealous you're close to Orlando, I'd be in Disney all the time!

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

thought i saw just mississippi...whoops! natural blonde..does that count? haha

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

Hi Batty, I'm in Iowa on the Mississippi River so a little farther away. I'm glad that I have been of some help to you. Makes me feel like my life is not comletely without merit. :) I talk to my son a lot. It doesn't cost very much for him to call from Germany so he does. In November he'll probably be stationed back in the states but don't know where. He is halfway through his six-year tour. Be good to yourself!

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

kendy i want u to know that u have helped me almost as much as my pdoc. u have listend and been supportive and not told me what i wanted to hear. i appreciate it i really do. wow, u are in mississippi? ive never been there. what is it like? i live outside of orlando. i love my home and ive worked really hard since my divorce to have everything i do. ive owned my own home for the first time for about 4 years. its nice, being independent. being a single mom is tuff tho. being a parent can be tuff but i have a great son. i know u feel the same way about ur son as i do mine. its nice to hear u speak of him. how often do u get to talk to him? i forgot where u said he was stationed now. well i just wanted to let u know that i am doing much better today except for the fact that i am a lil under the weather. speaking of weather...we can trade anytime! haha. i am complying with my meds. i promise to take them always. its not that i dont want to take them i think its more that i get lazy. its more like..oh it wont hurt me for one day if i dont take them but i now know it will. anyways, im rambling i know. im at work and my mind is mush. ugh! well kendy...hope u are doing well today. glad to know you are taking your meds also. keep me posted as i will you. good luck on the draught. hope it rains for ya soon!

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

Where in Florida do you live Batty? (You don't have to get specific if you aren't comfortable doing so.) My son was stationed at Eglin Air Force Base to get his training in Explosives Ordinance Disposal so we visited Fort Walton Beach/Destin on a couple of occasions. He's in Germany now. I miss him so much. Like I said in my other post, I'm swinging back up again or about as up as I ever get. At least I can bear it like this. I had a couple of close calls. Not even my therapist could help. Normally no matter how bad it gets, he can perk me up, at least for the hour or so that I'm there. I have a session today and no doubt he will be relieved to see me in a little better mood. I'm in eastern Iowa myself, right on the Mississippi River. You're having a hurricane and we're in the middle of a drought. Oh well. Please keep in touch, even if it's just to say "still here". I care, I really do. Kendy

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

thank u both for your sweet replies. i know u are right. i feel a lil better today. yesterday was a super bad day. i live in florida and was really worried about the weather with the hurricane so i didnt take my trazadone. its a mood elevator that helps me sleep. i didnt want to be knocked out so to speak, if something happened. i slept terrible and sunday i was soooooooooo depressed and crying all day. i just couldnt shake the feeling. i now know i NEED that. ive made a new commitment to taking my meds like i should. i guess sometimes i just get lazy, maybe?? do you guys feel that way sometimes? kendy...im glad u are taking your meds again. knowing you are taking yours helps me to take mine. and grl8...your words very much helped me. although sad to know someone feels like me, it is somewhat helpful too. i am doing ok today. thank you so much.

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

Batty, take your meds. Remember when I got mad at my doctor last week? I decided to chuck it all and stop taking the medication. Within a couple of days I felt terrible, headaches, listlessness, extreme anxiety and suicidal depression. I'm not bi-polar. I go from relatively normal to profoundly depressed and I have been struggling through the latter for the last month. It's the depression that makes you want to stop doing the very things that will help. So after almost a week, I started taking them again. Kendy

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 25

Batty, First off let me say that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. When you said little things like a "wrong comment" or wrong look" get to you I know exactly what you mean because I allow things like that to get to me too. But please don't give up hope. Things can change for the better overnight. You shouldn't feel bad about taking your meds, especially if they are helpng you. Would you feel bad about taking insulin if you were a diabetic? I also understand when you say at times you want to give up and die. I struggle with those feelings more than I wish I did but the truth is we don't want to die, we just want to stop hurting and enjoy life and feel normal, whatever normal is. As for myself I exercise daily, read, write and meditate to try and improve the quality of my life. Think about how fortunate you are to be blessed with a child and how important it is for you to be here for him. I would like to recommend a book called "Hope and help for your Nerves" by Claire Weekes. Its only $6.99 and has made a huge difference in many lives and may help you tremendously. Check out Amazon and see for yourself. You have a lot to live for. Do whatever it takes to help you feel better about yourself and life in general. Never forget that you are not alone and many of us understand exactly exactly what you are trying to say. Be well!

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Unfortunately I am struggling a bit the past few days. I find myself having a hard time wanting to take my meds. I tell myself I'll take them in an hour, then an hour turns to two and and three. I find myself sort of resenting the meds. The very meds that have been helping me. The past few days I have found myself also struggling with being sad...again. Then I feel worse because I feel sad so I start to deny my feelings which make it even worse. Vicious cycle as of late. I have been doing so good the past four months on these new meds that I wonder if I am making myself this way. It's like I am ok until one little thing gets to me. One wrong comment or one wrong look from a stranger. I sometimes feel that the world is watching me. Waiting for me to fail. I have alot on my mind lately too. I'm sure that makes it worse. The worst part is I find myself starting to not want to go out of my house. After my divorce I was agoraphobic for two years. I wasn't full blown but I could only go to work and home. I couldn't go to the store or out with my son. He was so young then. I find that I am terrified to go get milk and bread or take the trash out. It is a horrible feeling. I have an appointment with my tdoc in two weeks. I will talk to her about this. I just can't figure out what has brought as this on. Does anyone have any thoughts or words of visdom, even support, to help me stay focused on complying with my meds? I am concerned that I may be going down the same path of destruction. Maybe it's good that I can see this, before I never could. I just always wanted to give up and die. I don't want that now but I feel this duality. Does anyone understand what I am trying to say??

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