Carry:
This week has been pretty bad. I'm self medicating so I can sleep and I know that's wrong. I hate being awake at night. When I tried to talk to my husband about the depression & panic he acted as if I hadn't said anything. Didn't look at me, didn't respond. I've alway known what he thought about mental illness & suspected that if he found out that'll be the end of our marrage. Now he's acting as if nothing happened. I'm a really bad actor.
Good morning Barbara,
Well, to be honest, I was hoping to bring a little smile to you with my little secret. From your post, it seems like you're still not feeling too well. Also seems like you've been more down since your husband found out about your panic attacks. I don't really know what to say to that except I really hope my family would never find out about all these problems I'm having. I'll keep praying for you. I hope you'll feel little better today.
Carry:
No, I wont laugh at your fantacy life. I guess whatever it takes to hold on. Being a hero who can protect herself and others is probably a vacation from doubts and fear. Go a step further if you want and try writing a script. No one has to see it. Use it as another creative outlet.
Hi Barbara,
*sigh* I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It is very hard to find that something which will spark any hope for some of us. Other than God and my family, I don't think I really have anything I want to hold on to. I usually drift off to a little world of my own. Promise me you won't laugh at this! I don't think I've ever told anyone. But I grew up watching Chinese kung fu flicks. One of my little thing is that I pretend to be one of the characters in the movies I've watched and just do a "choose your own advanture" type thing. You think I'm crazy now, don't you? hahahaha I know it would never come true and it's just an short term escape. But still, it tends to give me that break from all the pain and harshness that this world gives. How about finding something small to look forward to at the end of the day? Anything.. like a movie.. dinner? listening to music?
Carry:
All I've had today are negative thoughts. I can't seem to find that spark of hope I talked about earlier. The little panic attacks have been w/me for the past two days. Sometimes it's almost impossible to breathe. Have you spoken to your doctor about the trip? Even if he/she isn't a shrink maybe they can give you something to tide you over. I really want you to have a wonderful trip.
Hi Barbara,
It's good to hear from you again. I was also hoping to hear from Kit and Jasmine as well. Maybe they'll be able to drop us a line some time soon.
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing as well. Is your husband not being very supportive and just keep telling you to relax? Whatever it is, I believe you're strong enough to get through it. You've been holding on this long and I think that just shows alot of courage and strength.
I just found out a date has been set for my trip to Korea. I'll be leaving on the 18th this month. Probably will be about a 2 week trip. I'm quite excited and worried at the same time. I truely hope I won't have one of my break downs while I'm there. Anyway, I hope you'll feel better today. I think all the rain is kind of making me feel bit off. I'm getting small anxiety/panic attacks throughout the day but fortunately it was something I can handle. I'm using that "I have the power to choose what I think". It's been working pretty well. Have you been able to give that a try??
Carry:
I tried to get back to this topic all day yesterday but I couldn't get through. I'm glad you're feeling better. Maybe this is the start of something good. I haven't heard fron Kitn or Jasmine I'm hoping everything's ok. As for me, not so good.
Hi Barbar/Kit,
Haven't heard from you guys lately. I just wanted to check up. Things have been calm lately at work so less stress there. And I think my emotions have stablized somewhat but who knows when it'll start moving again.
I hope both of you guys are doing ok. Please drop a line when you get a chance. ^_^
Barbara,
Relax.. only if it was that easy, huh? Well, if a person didn't go through something, I guess we can't really expect them to understand. Have you tried sitting him down and seriously talk about what's going on? Maybe he's being like that because he doesn't know how serious it is? *sigh* It's so hard when someone you love doesn't understand the pain you're going through.
I hope you're doing better today Barbara. Have you been able to get any sleep? Maybe.. try reading the Bible a bit? As for being receptive.. As much as I wanted to be receptive towards God, it was so hard. But my faith in Him is growing little by little. You just have to keep that hope alive and just believe in Him even if you have to force yourself. It's ok if we're slow. He'll always be with us even if we don't realize it. ^_^ *hug*
Carry:
Thank you for your support. I'm just so tired and worried. I wish I could sleep and I wish we would hear from Jasmine & Kitn. I know there's a God out there & maybe he/she is trying to help. Maybe I'm just not receptive enough. My husband thinks mental illness is a lack of control. I asked him for his support and comfort & he told me I had to learn to relax. Ha Ha Ha.
