Barbara,
First, I just want to say that I consider you a good friend. I know we haven't actually met in person but over the past several weeks, I think we shared alot of things we wouldn't normally share with other people who are closer to us. And that's the bond that makes us friends. With that said, there's no need for you to really thank me for taking some time to "talk" to you. ^_^ That's what friends do, right? Besides, there were plenty of times where you've taken the time for me as well to light a candle and just think of me, Kitn, and some of the others.
Second, I'm really proud of you. After talking to your doctor and not being able to do what the doctor recommended, I was little worried you'd be giving up a little. Especially with your husband not being very supportive. But now I see there was nothing for me to worry about because you're taking the initiative to help yourself any way you can. I know you haven't been able to find that "sparkle of hope". But I believe you do have one within you. It's just taking some time for you to see it. You fought this long and hard to find that peace. I know you'll keep fighting for it. And I will definitely be here to support you and I'm sure others will as well. Keep looking towards God though. For me, He is the one that's healing my wounds and brings peace. As I've said many times before. It's a slow process, but you will be able to feel it in time.
I will be leaving this Saturday for Korea. But I will check up on this site from time to time while I'm there. If you'd like, I can give you my personal email and you can email me whenever you like! If you need to vent or whatever you need. ^_^