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for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

This wknd I gave into my husband's wishes. I acted as if everything was ok. I assured my daughter that I wasn't going to kill myself. I don't want to die, but I don't want to feel like this anymore. When I'm not depressed, I'm angry. I'm so tired

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry: You are a Godsend. I so much want you to have a wonderful trip. I hope you can find a way of letting go of some of the things that've happened to you. I would love to give you my personal e-mail but I don't know how to give it to just one person on this site. XOXOXO

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara, First, I just want to say that I consider you a good friend. I know we haven't actually met in person but over the past several weeks, I think we shared alot of things we wouldn't normally share with other people who are closer to us. And that's the bond that makes us friends. With that said, there's no need for you to really thank me for taking some time to "talk" to you. ^_^ That's what friends do, right? Besides, there were plenty of times where you've taken the time for me as well to light a candle and just think of me, Kitn, and some of the others. Second, I'm really proud of you. After talking to your doctor and not being able to do what the doctor recommended, I was little worried you'd be giving up a little. Especially with your husband not being very supportive. But now I see there was nothing for me to worry about because you're taking the initiative to help yourself any way you can. I know you haven't been able to find that "sparkle of hope". But I believe you do have one within you. It's just taking some time for you to see it. You fought this long and hard to find that peace. I know you'll keep fighting for it. And I will definitely be here to support you and I'm sure others will as well. Keep looking towards God though. For me, He is the one that's healing my wounds and brings peace. As I've said many times before. It's a slow process, but you will be able to feel it in time. I will be leaving this Saturday for Korea. But I will check up on this site from time to time while I'm there. If you'd like, I can give you my personal email and you can email me whenever you like! If you need to vent or whatever you need. ^_^

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry: Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I know you're very busy getting ready for your trip. I really hope you have a great time. Tomorrow I'm going to a therapist. I'm writing a diary to summarize some of what is going on

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara, In a way your husband kind of reminds me of me in the past. I hate conflicts.. And I tried so hard to avoid any problems. I think I've gotten better about it now. For me, it was hard to "confront" anything that might cause a threat to what seems to be a peacefull life. Kind of like, "if I ignore it, it'll go away by itself eventually" type thing. Of course it doesn't work that way. Whatever the problem might be, it might seem to be gone for the time being. But in reality it's still right I left it, I'm just turning a blind eye to it. Just seem so much easier to do that rather than face the problem. I hope your husband will realize that ignoring problems won't help anyone including himself someday.. like I did.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry: Even though he knew about my appointment yesterday, he didn't ask me what happened. He doesn't want to deal with it. This what he does when things aren't going smoothly. He avoids. Until things appear to be normal again he will work late and fall asleep in his recliner. He will not broach the subject. He will pretend everything is "Normal" I have been married to him 24 years this year. I know I cannot expect support.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine how frustration it must be to not able to do what you need. Maybe you should talk to your husband about this. If he hears about your problem from a doctor, maybe he'll be more supportive? Have you asked the doctor if there would be another way to get you help other then being in the hospital for 2 weeks? There isn't much I can say to comfort you, but you'll always be in my prayers.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

I finally got up the nerve to talk to my doctor. She wanted to put me in the hospital for 2-4 wks. I can't leave my job for that long. I guess I'm on my own.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

I'm happy for you Carry. Barbara

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Oh my goodness... I wrote a whole lot of stuff and it didn't get posted because I got distracted and it logged me out!!!! @_@ Maybe it was God's way of telling me I wrote too much useless stuff and to keep it short and not bore everyone. hahaha... Well, I'll keep it short this time and just get to the point. I am feeling little better today. As for yesterday, it started out horrible. Towards mid-day, I went to the post office not because I had to but because I just wanted to get away. On my way, I was just feeling so tired both physically and mentally. And just wanted to go somewhere far far away and not come back. Then an old faded bumper sticker caught my eye that was on the car right in front of me. It said, "Smile! God loves you!" After a few seconds, I found myself smiling. I started re-adjusting my thoughts towards more positive way and I started feeling little more... comfortable. I wasn't feeling all cheerfull or filled with joy. But I wasn't feeling so helpless and weak. To leave out the boring details, the day started out horrible but when I refocused toward God, the day was slowly getting better and by the end of the night, I was "OK". I truely believe God gave me that peace by sending me that little message through an old bumper sticker. I mean, who would believe something like that would change my day? I once asked a question everyone asks.. "What's the purpose of life?" I found that answer through God's grace. And that is to be a child of God and serve Him. At times, I will forget my purpose or avoid it for selfish reasons. But He will never leave me. That is a promise He has made. On a side note, I almost got hit by a shoe last night during cardio kickboxing. hahaha... Just wanted to share that because I thought it was pretty funny. ^_^

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Hi everybody!