Hi Barbara,
Oh I'm just so tired. I must not be over the events of past few weeks because last night, I dreamt that my relatives from Korea called again and was harrassing my mom. I was so angry in my dream. I woke up because I felt my jaws clenching up much it was starting to hurt. Other then that, I think I'm ok.
I'm sorry that your younger sisters aren't speaking to you. But then, since they don't really know what you've been through and don't know or understand what you're going through now, it's hard for them to see why you're reacting to things the way you are. Then there's a thing where you just can't go around trying to explain to everyone why you are the way you are. For me, I think it's because I feel like others just won't be able to comprehand the situation. You and me, we know how horrible it feels to be in the state of depression and just how much we have to fight to live on a daily basis. And just that much harder to help ourselves to get better. To others, it'll probably just seem like whinning or even maybe trying to get attention.
I'm babbling again. haha... I just wanted to say Barbara, that I think you've made alot of improvement since we've met. I think you've gotten ALOT stronger. Even though you're having problems with your sisters, worry about that after you've healed yourself first. You yourself is MUCH MORE important right now. Well, at least to me you are. ^_^ You're right about being able to forgive yourself after forgiving your parents. As much as I hate my aunt and uncle as well as I think they deserved the treatment they got from me, I'm still not very proud and I guess feeling guilty for the things I've said. So lately, I've been asking God to help me forgive them. It's definitely hard to do and I'm still struggling with it. But it's a start. And I'm feeling tad better just knowing that I'm trying. In due time, I think I will forgive them. Just as you would forgive your parents. I think we've grown stronger together. I'm always thankfull to have met you and to be healing together.
