Man, it is SO hard to think about therapy without hearing the judgements and counter-judgments society reacts with. When I was in the thick of it, I hated going....... But what I hear most from you, Liz, that resonates with my brain, is the frustration with meds and "getting help." In my own story, it was realizing that the latest new med was not going to be the one that helped me feel better, at all. That could make things feel so much worse than the even did. (And it ain't good to feel "worse" than major depression!) For me, though, the meds were what got me stable enough that I could start working on my own stuff for real. I felt guilty about "needing drugs" to get to feeling better, but it was clear that nothing else was going to help me start seeing life differently to the point that I could take some control away from the disease, and start making decisions on some _other_ basis instead. So I decided to have that moral struggle re. taking meds later, after I was better able to figure out how I felt about it.
Seems to me that if you miss therapy, that might be a good enough sign that it'd be worth trying it again for a while...?? One doc not encouraging you to stick it out does not mean that you really shouldn't be going. THere are things we should never accept, and depression is one of them, in my book.
And I love what "unhappy" had to say......and that's great that you are already feeling better.....