I taught I'll be ready to quit completely by now, but I'm still not. I've cut down from over 25 cigarettes a day to 6.
(I have no idea why 6, but for the time being I'm holding on to that number for 10 days now.)
I started smoking when I was 14, and since then I'm a passionate smoker..
In the last couple of days I tried to remember my days as a non-smoker, which is basically impossible because I've literary gone from playing with my Barbie dolls one day and smoking, going out with my friends and drinking the next day.
I have 0 days as an adult non-smoker. I can't imagine a day when I go out, spend some time with my friends, do my chores, go to university and not smoke a single cigarette.
I can't imagine myself waiting for a bus and not smoking. Having my morning coffee with friends and not smoking..
Not to mention those darn 5 minute breaks we have during a class, it is almost as if they are calling me to smoke another.
But the biggest problem are those afternoon and evening drinks I have with my friends. I always go out with them 2 or 3 times a day to have a cup of coffee and talk a bit. Most of them don't smoke, some have just quit and only couple still smoke. I don't know how they handle sitting with so much people smoking around them. The only thing that comes to mind is to stop going out with them, which basically means cutting off all my friends for a certain period, which is something I obviously can't do. Asking them to do something else is not an option either, there is nothing else to do. Suggesting a walk or something similar is not a good idea because that is something we simply don't do. At all. If I suggested something similar they would probably tell me to see a doctor. And I can't imagine a day that goes by without sitting somewhere with my friends and talking a bit..
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck for now. I've managed to keep it down to 6 a day, but going under that is inconceivable to me. A friend asked me out the other day and I said no because I only had one cigarette for that day, which obviously wasn't enough.
I'm planing my whole day according to the number of cigarettes I can smoke. That is stupid.
I've decided this is the one time I will quit forever.
I just have to rebuild who I am from the scratch...
Help me, please!!!