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Living with an alcoholic

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

HI Sammij,

This form is in PDF format and it intended to be printed. This printable worksheet is beneficial to keep close at hand to keep a thorough record of your daily activity. Sorry for the confusion. Let us know how your activity tracking goes.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4

hi, Ashley,
Nice to meet you and thanks for your responce. I don't no how to input my information inot the activity tracker. I have no problems with the mood tracker but when I pull up the form for the activity tracker and try to type nothing happens

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Sammij,

Your right if he is forced into help he will not benefit from it. He has to want to find the help. What do you think would make him want to find help? How do you think he will recognize he has a problem that needs to be addressed? Think about these questions carefully. There may be answers that we have not yet explored. I would also like to state at this time that his addiction is not your responsibility. Your main concern needs to be your well being right now.

That being said. What difficulties are you experiencing with the activity tracker?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4

Samantha,

I know he feels bad the next day and he told me once before that he never means what he says when he is drunk, so I don't beleive anything he says but it still hurt to here it from someone how says they love you, and I know he does. He knows deep down he needs help but I think from what he tells me is that he's afraid nothing will help. He was forced help, before I met him, when he wasn't ready for it and it did'nt help so I think he thinks it won't help now. I think he's afraid. When he is sober I try to be extra supportive and give him loving attention to make him feel better and when he is drinking I distance myself. I'm trying to work on my first homework assignment but I can't figure out how to fill in the activity tracker sheet, can you help.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

sammij,

The truth is he needs to help himself. The only way he will change is if he wants to change. You can support him and be there for him but unless he is really motivated and wants to quit there is little you can do to influence him. I am concerned about a few things you say though. Him yelling and saying mean things is not acceptable whether he is drunk or not. You need to be sure he is aware of this. You need to let him know when he is sober that that sort of treatment is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it. You will not be able to communicate with him when he is drinking and if he acts the way you are describing I suggest staying away from him when he is drunk. Sammij you sounds like a caring and loving wife you do not deserve this treatment. I understand he is a loving husband when he is sober but he needs to know that there are consequences for his actions when he is drunk. It is ok to set boundaries in relationships and sometimes essential. What do you think you could say or do when your husband is sober to make him realize the impact he is making on you?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi Samantha,

Thanks for your responce. I know about the al-anon meeting but I can't get there because of the time they offer the meeting. My husband won't go and he thinks I don't need to go to and I feel if he finds out that I went to one it will give him something else to yell at me for and something hurtful to say the next time he got drunk. I am in their email chat site though. I just started that and I'm here to help me with my depression, something I've had even before I met him. I do love him very much when he is sober. Thats why its hard when he's drunk, seeing him do this to himself and us. I don't whan to give upon him. Any suggestion.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6

Hi Sammyj:

I can understand how confusing it is when someone act like that. I grew up with an alcoholic parent who behaved the same way. An al-anon support group is a good place to find out more about alcoholism and the effects of being close to an alcoholic. Just remember to take care of yourself!

Zinnia

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Hi Sammij

Welcome to the support group. I hope you find it as useful as I do. It's quite awesome to see the progress I've made over time with the use of this program.

Having come from a family of alcoholics and recenlty worked in an alcohol treatment facility. I would encourage you to see if there is an Al-Anon group near you. It is a support group for people who have loved ones who are alcoholics. It focuses on the very thing that Samantha was talking about: That we are not responsible for the person drinking, it's not because of something we did or did not do, said or did not say. We are powerless over the addiction. If you can't find one in your local area there is a website. I don't know how good it is....but you may try it. I know learning to set boundaries took a long time for me- but that is important also. Setting boundaries, is more of what Samantha was saying: it's knowing where you stop and the other person begins and making sure that line isn't crossed. It's not something you can see, it's something you do in your mind and then put into practice. I like her idea of leaving, is that a realistic possibility?

I'm glad you are hear and look forward to hearing more from you. Keep working the program!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi sammij,
First of all I would like to welcome you to our support community and thank you for sharing your story with us. There are many people within this support group that share the same questions and concerns as you. We are all a group of individuals who support each other.

Take the time to go over our Depression Program and the many tools available to assist you with understanding and combating your depression. Each session is based on the previous session, so we strongly advise that you work slowly through the program and not jump ahead. If you have any questions about the program tools, feel free to contact us at support@depressioncenter.net.
Secondly, I'd like to address the current situation you are dealing with. Living with an alcoholic spouse must be extremely diffcult. Always remember that this has nothing to do with you, the quality of love or what you have done or not done. Furthermore, you also need to take care of yourself by removing yourself from the situation. Walk away, go for a drive, run an errand. Most of all try to avoid arguing with someone who is inebriated. I know this is frustrating because you must feel like you shouldn't have to leave the situation, but like you said eventually the storm passes and you can safely discuss the issues at hand once the calm has surfaced.
Hopefully some of this helps you, or at least will give you a bit of insight to ensure that you know you are not to blame.
Keep posting often, and we will be here to support you.

Samantha, Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi, New to the group,

I've been going through a difficult time latley and a friedn told me that it's time to get help. I've always had a problem of thinking low of myself and have a lot of negative thoughts of myself but, my biggest issue these days os that i have a husband that is an alcoholic. When he's sober he is sweet but when he get drunk, he is nol onger sweet but a whole different person. He get verbaly mean. he yells, puts me down further than I feel about myself, and blames me for everything. The next day I know he feels bat and he tells me not to listenen to him when he gets that way but it still hurts to hear it. It wears me out and I feel like I'm going crazy when I'm going through a bad night. One of my goals is to learn the tools to communicate with him during a bad night and how to take care of myself through ot all. I'm working very hard on this course to help myself feel better about me. Any suggestions. Need Hope Kim

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