Hi again :)
So I'm scheduled to go back to work tomorrow........... and I literally can't. I think I've covered a diameter of about 10 feet since I woke up this morning. I can barely move. Just sitting and staring at things. Can't make any decisions or concentrate. I couldn't figure out what to eat for breakfast or lunch (nor do I have the energy to make it) so I just skipped that. It's a bad day. I can't make myself do anything except read posts and write.
I'm working 2 jobs (56 hours a week), and am a single mom (I have a 5 year-old son, and my 20 year-old son is home for the semester). My mom and dad are around, but getting up there in age so I really don't have any help there. My oldest son is ill with some mystery diagnosis so we have been running around to lots of specialists the past 3 months and are no closer to a diagnosis.
But I'm worried about this work thing. I actually love both of my jobs and generally speaking, am really on top of it at work. I work for myself at one job, so just had to find a sub (which I did), and talked to my supervisor at my other job who has been incredibly understanding. So I'm lucky-- I have a job in this terrible economy, and a fantastic boss. I guess I'm feeling guilty and a bit worthless. I was reading one of Diva's posts about the whole work thing and our self-value. And about longing to be "normal."
So I've managed to get another week to focus on my recovery but I feel a lot of pressure (self-induced) to get my act together so I can get back to work (I really need the income).
I feel like I'm standing on a deserted island and I can
see the other shore where I need to get to, but I'm just not sure how. I think that starting session 2 will help a lot, and that was my goal for today. So far I haven't been able to do it. I'm hoping I can whip up some energy this afternoon. I know eating, excercising, sleeping welll-- I know all of that will help. It's getting the energy to do it that I'm finding hard. My body and mind are not complying with my supreme royal orders!
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Traitors.
Thanks for listening. I have a very important date to go stare at my walls again and I'm running late.
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ha ha
deb