Hi there. I am so sorry that I have taken so long to get back to you. I really wanted to think about my reply and then we had a bunch of things come up. I hope you get this. I want to say that things are going pretty good right now versus my previous e-mail. I know that things go in waves so I am just riding this one for as long as I can. I think that comment about not engaging in their fear is awesome and so true. I am concerned and tell him so, I provide the stability that he needs, but I totally try to avoid being drawn into the fear. The most effective thing that I am doing right now in living with someone who has panic attacks is that I ask him how his day went. No matter how rough mine was, it was not as bad as his! It puts things into perspective. Education has also been good for me. Reading the different entries in this support group lets me know that people are experiencing the same things (although I would love to hear more about family members coping - we could be even so much more supportive to them if we knew how to cope ourselves). I also saw a repeat of HBO's America Undercover about panic attacks. It really served to remind me of what he is going through. I don't know where your boyfriend is with this but I can not encourange you enough in getting him to some help. My husband is on medication, sees a therapist, and works out every day (which makes a difference but he would never admit it). He has totally decided to fight this with all he is worth and I admire him so much for that. The further he gets into this process and the more educated I become, it seems that things are settling down a bit. When I say that he can't see what I am doing to help, I mean that he can't seem to see how I am trying to be supportive and care for him. I don't know if thats not specific to him and separate from the panic though. A blaring example would be racing to the er when he really felt he had no other choice but to go and sitting in the waiting room with two small children for 3 hours and then him telling me that I am not helpful to him and don't understand what he is going through. Right now, though, we are on a good wave and I am just trying to ride it out. How are you doing?

kmi I can'nt begin to tell you how great it is to see someone else that is talking about a simular situation to my own. I'm not married, nor do I have children, however, I love someone dearly that has been going through panic attacks. He had a terrible attack about a month ago (granted he has had several in which I was't present for as well) that threw me for a loop. The experience really scared me because one, I did'nt know what to do and two, I questioned how can handle the probability of future occurances with children, a small business and receiving support when I need it. It's so frustrating when he doesn't remember what happened when his attacks occur. His most recent attack was last Tuesday (lasted about 20 minutes) which was shorter than the previous. Like Anne Marie suggested, I tried to make a the environment as safe and "relaxed" (I think she ment me) as possible. I kept repeating to him in a soft voice "It's o.k." "I love you", took long slow breaths (kind of like yoga breaths), when he came close to me I stroked the center of his back and down, I remained sitting and somewhat not engaged in his fear. Granted, I was freaked while he screamed about mortality, slammed two beers down and smoked his cigarette so hard. Eventually, he stayed close and let me hold him, I continued to breath deep. The next morning he said thank you, whatever you last night really helped. It is so bizzare to me that he can'nt remember although he knows something was terribly wrong. I was wondering what you ment by "can't see" what you are doing? Outside of his actual attacks does he seem distant or unattached to the responsibilities of family? I have so many questions for you but I'll wait to see if you are interested in discussing more. I don't know if I have any good advice but I can certainly understand your desire to want to make things better.

Hi Kmi, Families go through periods of stress, and we appreciate the daily rush when there are little ones to look after. It makes a mom wonder why there aren't 48 hours in one day, diesn't it? Your husband's panic attacks are real. The best way to help him is to offer as safe and relaxed environment as possible. A quiet evening where you both participate in reading stories to the little ones will get everyone involved without pressure, for instance. Find moments for yourself too to relax. A warm soothing bath, or "timeouts" for yourself to regroup every hour for a couple of minutes help. Talk this over with your husband and get his take on this. He can't just "snap out of it" as you probably know. It takes time and setbacks can occur. Do show him the site and encourage him to use the tools we have to offer. -- Anne-Marie, Site Administrator

My husband began to have panic attacks about three months ago after a VERY serious and stressful illness, where he nearly died quite suddenly and unexpectantly. While he is on medication to recover from his illness, he is doing well and should continue to make a full recovery. He is back to work after leave, trying to adjust to work, and building back to his regular schedule. I love my husband tremendously and both his illness and panic attacks have been devastating to both of us. He is on medication for the panic and just started therapy. My problem is...how do I deal with this on a day to day basis? I am a stay at home mom of two very small children. It was hard enough before this all happened! I read all of the web sites from the apa, adaa, nimh, etc. I agree with everything they suggest on assisting him recover and I try to implement them. Many have been successful but how do I cope when my babies are needing me in that desperate I-need-you-now-Mom-sort-of-way (crying, sick, hungry, etc) and my husband is not only unable to help but desperately needs me himself? Sometimes, I feel like he has just "checked out". I am maxed out on babysitters, friends, and don't have family around to help. Who's the priority when everyone is screaming for me? It's even more upsetting when he can't see what I am doing to help him. I understand that with patience, love, treatment, and medication these panic attacks will become manageable and he is already doing a commendable job working to recover. Ultimately, my question is...how are your family members coping/is there anything that works well or not at all/how do you encourage a person back into the "family fold"?