Thank you chimpmaster, you are probably right; I need a better self-image, self-esteem, and self-confidence. It is difficult when you live in a foreign country where most people do not want to speak to you. Some are predjudiced, and some are afraid. Children run away crying at times because they are not used to foreigners here. I actually do volunteer work already; and I used to be an English Teacher part time. However, I found that that too became too stressful, and I did not enjoy my panic attacks that I was having, especially in front of children. So - I tried to take a year off to paint pictures, and write poetry, and other things in that area, but now I am starting to feel I have not been successful in those ventures either, and I am at a low ebb at the moment. Having said all that, perhaps this is the life I should be leading after all....maybe this is what I should be happy with. I just have this need to do something important with my life in accordance with my abilities and talents, so as to build my self esteem. I guess that's what it is. Thank you for your words of wisdom...

Hi redface, First up id just like to say it is reflective of your own sense of humour about yourself that you have erythrobia and you have called your nickname redface! Good on you, that made me smile when i saw it! The feelings you are getting are definitely anxiety/depression related, but more specifically seem to be around the areas of self image, self confidence and self-esteem. Its really hard when you are feeling low to see the "light at the end of the tunnel". I have panic disorder which I am being treated for and it is going well, but I am also recovering (very recently) from a bout of depression which I was suffering from simultaneously. In retrospect I was depressed for quite some time - not major depression, but still very depressed. I actually had a very intense and stressful job and I was unhappy with that aspect of my life, which was taking up most of my life. I have since changed jobs and Im enjoying my new job which is helping a lot. Typically my problem is with anxiety and not depression (hence the panic disorder), so I wont try and give you too much advice about getting over depression. Just know that you are not alone out there. There are millions of people suffering from anxiety and depressive disorders. It is really hard to go through and its really hard when you lose your self- confidence and lose your direction for the future. But, for many people it is possible to get better. Drugs and therapy help a lot, but in the end the recovery has to come from within. You need to really look after yourself right now, and give yourself a break from all of those negative thoughts that bring you down. Sometimes it can help to just take a plunge into something. The social contact in any working environment can be helpful. The worst that can happen is that it doesnt goes well and you are back to where you are now. Im not sure what skills you have, but with regards to work, something you might like yo try is volunteer work. Its a good way to pick up skills for free whilst helping the community, which can make you feel good about yourself too. Churches, schools, associations etc all need volunteers - someone to run their op shops, someone to write their new

I feel as if I have kind of lost my way on the road, like the line out of the movie Patch Adams...In the movie he is depressed and has a bathroom cabinet full of pills; and is depressed an afraid. I have major depression and agoraphobia with specific erythrophobia. I have been trying to deal with these; but also feel that because I have devoted my time to relaxing, working on cognitive therapy, and doing a lot of personal analysis, I do not know what I should do for work. I do not want a stressful normal job. I stay home a lot. I do personality tests on the internet to see what I would be good at, and find catagories such as creative/analytical. Then I realize these types of jobs involve lots of study and money and high intelligence, and I just want to give up. I feel lost on the road of life at the moment. I prayed for an answer, but cannot seem to see the light as of yet. I am waiting for that light to shine down on me and give me the answer. Do others out there also feel lost, is this part of depression, and or constantly having to deal with anxieties and fears??? Can someone point me in a direction here?