Ashepp;
I used to be afraid to go to sleep when I was little in fear that I would not wake up. When I was a teen, I began to think about the fact that I was going to die some day. Coupled with the fact that I had obsessive compulsive disorder, it made for a depressing winter of 1981-82 as I could not get it out of my head. Sports and summer got me out of the funk. I had mostly good teen years. Never knew what OCD was until my 20's.
I often think that my fear of death came from my Mother dying when I was ten. But I do remember I had thoughts of it before that. Always been a sensitive kid.
The thoughts have reappeared over the years. I also realize that if we don't sometimes think of it, then we might not realize how precious life and time is. A lot of it, in my opinion, is normal.
My Father died in October of 2008. He'd always been in my life, so it felt weird when he was gone. I think that if my Father was man enough to face it, then so am I. He was the greatest Man I ever knew.
I know exactly where you're coming from. Have you ever thought you might have OCD. I am not saying you do, but I know my having OCD only enhances when I am having trouble with panic and anxiety and depression. I do find when I am having difficulty with some or all of these, the mortality issues seems to pop up from time-to-time. I am currently struggling with it. It's been causing me some panic.
The things I do to fight my way through all this are exercise, proper nutrition, keep my mind busy, rinse, repeat, etc. :-)
Though I have wasted a lot of time obsessing over death, I am enjoying a great life, especially the last 6 years with my wife.
I hope some of this has helped. Feel free to add anything to this.
David
