I happened to read an article by mercola about possible cognitive decline from longterm use of meds. The article also claimed meds were not any good, so I will take it with a grain of salt.
I said to my wife a few minutes ago that maybe a lot of my mind being in a fog and not being able to focus, etc, was because of all the anxious thoughts in my head. You know: rituals, OCD, fear of panic attacks, fear of work. I spend an awful lot of time thinking of nonsense, but need to get away from that.
My therapist, who I saw from about 1995-2004, pretty steadily, is more than 45 minutes from my house and about an hour and 15 minutes from my work. So I emailed her and asked if she knows anyone closer to me that she could recommend. I really think I need to do some work.
I am very happy in my life with my marriage, I adore my wife. But am often scared of the silliest things and also have a hard time relaxing lately.
I would say I am more cloudy in the head today because I did take 2 halves of diazepam today. One around 7am and the other around noon. Diazepam tends to keep you cloudy, but works so well with calming you when needed.
I amazed myself over the last 6 weeks by only needing half (2.5 mg) of one (5mg) for our friday morning meeting at work. But finally caved last week and took a whole one. I did not feel like a defeat at all. This has been a stressful month because of them coming down on us about lack of sales. I don't think it's really that odd for my depression and anxiety to have worsened over the past week. That usually happens with me, but not always.
